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welcome! to anxieties 101!
after looking things over here at anxieties 101,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i
just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
 
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "the
layer down under that," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many
sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
throughout this webpage concerning
caregiving anxiety...
you will see many "emotion words" that are underlined
as a link....
throughout your journey
with caregiving anxiety, as well as your own "personal discovery" journey you may be
confused about what you are feeling.
clicking on the underlined emotion words will take you to the emotional feelings network of sites! ... one of the sites
in the network that will offer you information that may be helpful in understanding the meaning of your emotions, how to cope with emotions & how to resolve emotions.
...take the trip, it's worth the side track & then click on the link on the top left hand side of each emotion page to travel back here - anxieties 101!
 What is caregiving?
Caregiving means "caring for other(s), whether friends or relatives, who have health problems or disabilities & need help.
Caregivers provide many kinds
of help to care receivers, from grocery shopping to helping with daily tasks such as bathing, dressing, & eating. Most people who need help from caregivers are elderly.
- About 1/4 of US families
are caring for an older family member, an adult child with disabilities, or a friend.
- According to recent surveys,
more than 7 million persons are informal caregivers to older adults. Caregivers include spouses, adult children, & other
relatives & friends.
Other surveys found that almost
26 million family caregivers provide care to adults (aged 18+) with a disability or chronic illness
5 million informal caregivers
provide care for older adults aged 50+ with dementia.
- Studies show that more than
1/2 of caregivers are women. Care receivers are about 1/2 women & 1/2 men.
- The average amount of time
that caregivers spend on care giving is about 20 hours per week. Even more time is required when the care receiver has multiple
disabilities.
- Caring for a person with disabilities can be physically demanding, especially for older caregivers, who make up 1/2 of all caregivers.
- 1/3 of all caregivers describe
their own health as fair to poor.
- Caregivers often worry that
they will not outlive the person for whom they are caring.
- Caregivers often suffer from
depression. Caregivers are also more likely to become physically ill.
Caregiver stress is a daily
fact of life for many caregivers. Caregiving often takes a great deal of time, effort & work. Many caregivers struggle
to balance caregiving with other responsibilities including full-time jobs & caring for children.
Constant stress can lead to "burnout" & health problems for the caregiver. Caregivers may feel guilty, frustrated & angry from time to time. Caregivers often need help caring for an elderly or disabled care receiver. Sometimes other family members or friends & neighbors are able to help, but many caregivers do most or all of the care giving for a loved one alone.
Research has
shown that caregivers often are at increased risk for depression & illness.
The caregiver must cope with declining abilities & difficult behaviors. Basic activities of daily living often become hard to manage for both
the care receiver & the caregiver. As the disease worsens, the care receiver usually needs 24-hour care.
What can caregivers do to prevent stress & burnout?
Caregivers
can call upon others for support & assistance. Other family members, friends & neighbors may be able to help in different ways. It may not be easy
to ask for help & you may need to make very specific requests. But getting help from others will benefit you & the person you are caring for.
Respite care can be
a good way to get a break (respite) from constant caregiving. If other caregivers aren't available to fill in for the main
caregiver, respite care services may be available in the community.
- Eat a healthy diet rich in fruits, vegetables & whole grains & low in saturated fat. Ask your health care provider about taking a multivitamin
as well.
- Try to get enough sleep & rest.
- Find time for some
exercise most days of the week. Regular exercise can help reduce stress & improve your health in many ways.
- See your health care provider
for a checkup. Talk to your provider about symptoms of depression or illness that you may be having. Get counseling if needed.
- Stay in touch with friends.
Social activities can help keep you feeling connected & help with stress. Faith-based groups can offer support & help to caregivers.
- Find
a support group for other caregivers in your situation (such as caring for a person with dementia). Many support groups are available online thru the Internet.
In the near
future, I may help an aging relative....
You have a growing concern that w/in the next 12 to 18 months, your aging relative will need more of your assistance & time.
You should:
Research
options
- Gather
information
- Provide the opportunity
for your care recipient to share his or her feelings & values
This is also your time to:
- Keep up with family &
friends
- Enjoy your hobbies &
interests
- Take trips you've always
dreamed of
Although an immediate
crisis may not be facing you; the reality of one seems to be looming in your future. Rather than closing your eyes to avoid seeing that horizon, you can take some proactive steps now that will make your future care giving days easier.
If
you're expecting to be a caregiver in the future, you can begin to research:
- A good lawyer familiar with
elder care issues
- Durable powers of attorney
for health care, living wills; ask when to start the process to ensure that the necessary legal papers are in order
- Financial situations - Knowing
the financial status can help determine future health care choices. Determine monthly income from pensions & social security;
learn about annuities, stock investments & bank accounts.
- Community health care options
- What home health care agencies in your area offer quality, affordable home care? What housing options are available: retirement
communities, assisted living centers? Contact community organizations to request brochures & pamphlets.
Your aging relative's current living condition can
have a bearing on the future.
-
Will your aging
relative be able to reside safely in her home if she uses a wheelchair, becomes bed bound?
-
What changes can you make today that will prevent future barriers to providing care in her home?
-
Are the necessary
changes almost an impossibility?
If so, what other
options do you have:
Talk with your aging
relative about his or her wishes for the future. Ask questions now about your relative's care preferences. This will
help you provide the care your relative wants.
- Where does your relative
want to die?
- At home?
- At a care facility?
- What type of funeral
would your relative want?
- Does your relative
have a preference as to whom in the family provides care?
- How does your relative
feel about end-of-life care decisions?
Although you
may not be able to meet all your relative's wishes, you can begin to plan now to meet at least the most important.
Review current health care providers by asking,
- Who are the physicians?
- What is the diagnosis?
- What medications will be used?
- Why those medications have been prescribed?
Concentrate on the reality
of the situations by keeping a realistic view of their situations:
- What's the worst that could
happen?
What's the best possible outcome?
What options are available
for each of these outcomes?
Start a journal to chronicle
your feelings, your concerns & your actions.
You may be surprised at your
feelings of loss. Your preparation of the future allows you to see what your care recipient & you might lose. You both will experience
changes in your relationship, your schedules, your amount of freedom.
Write down
your thoughts about the potential losses & how you might be able to hang on to them, through minor adjustments & changes, for a little longer.
If you've been
caring for an aging relative for 6 months to 18 months, your duties may range from errand-running & bill paying
to hands-on care. It's very important that you try to find services that help; find support that comfort while you continue to find ways to enjoy your hobbies & interests.
Your entry into the caregiving role
is a time to experiment, to get your feet wet & see what works. This is your opportunity to learn how the health care
industry works with & sometimes against you. Now is the time to shape your caregiving personality:
- What duties are you comfortable with?
- What duties make you uncomfortable?
- How well are
you & your care recipient getting along?
What situations would create
overwhelming stresses for both of you?
What situations should you try to avoid because you know they will lead to nasty fights & bitter arguments?
You'll get a feel
for the present & future budgets needed to provide the care your care recipient requires. In addition, keep up with your hobbies & interests (you may be able only to keep the ones that you enjoy most), ensuring you have made a habit of spending time on your own,
enjoying yourself.
As a "beginner caregiver":
- Learn as much as you can about your care recipient's illness, disease or condition. Consult the local branches
or chapters of national organizations such as The Arthritis Foundation, the Alzheimer's Association, The Cancer Society. Know
what the future holds for you & your care recipient concerning their medical conditions?
- Learn how
to provide proper care from health care professionals or from health care videos, manuals or books.
- If your
care recipient is hospitalized or receives short-term therapy at a nursing home, ask the staff to show you proper caregiving
techniques: lifting, transfers, bathing. Or, search the Internet for hands-on care information.
- It's very
difficult to provide care when you are unsure of what you're doing. You'll feel much better when you're confident of your skills. Read as much as you can find - get educated.
- Join a support
group, either online or in your community. It's so isolating to be a caregiver! Support groups will hook you up with others in similar situations; often, you'll learn of community resources
& options from other caregivers that you were not aware of.
- Make arrangements so you
can count on regular breaks from care giving. You can't be a good caregiver to someone else if you don't take care of yourself.
Plan for regular breaks, an hour daily, an afternoon weekly, or a day monthly, whatever you can manage.
Enlist the help of relatives
& community services (such as a volunteer group at your local church) so you can take time off regularly. Relatives can help in many ways, through
financial support, social support (calling the care recipient regularly just "to talk"), as well as respite
support.
- Rely on help from community
organizations. Meals on Wheels, home care agencies & day care centers, to name just a few, may offer services that your
care recipient needs.
- Contact your local Area Agency
on Aging for a listing of services & organizations in your community. Visit your local medical equipment supply store
to find devices & gadgets that enhance your care recipient's abilities while allowing independence from you.
- In addition, ask about local,
state or federal programs that might provide financial assistance for you &/or your care recipient. As your care recipient's
care needs increase, so will the costs associated with his or her care. Understanding what programs can help, in addition to understanding what your care recipient can afford, will help you plan appropriately for the future.
- Keep in mind what your care
recipient's wishes are. If appropriate, ask for his or her input & ideas. Does your care recipient still feel good about living at home? What does your care recipient fear or dread? (These are also good questions to ask yourself!)
by Avrene L. Brandt, Ph.D.
More About Avrene
In this article we will look at how caregivers cope w/the emotional stresses that may come w/being a caregiver to a loved one w/a chronic condition.
The emotional facet of our
being co-exists w/our intellectual, physical & spiritual facets. Our emotional reactions begin when we are infants which,
at that time, are quite undifferentiated alarm when basic needs aren't met & contentment when needs are satisfied. Gradually, over time, emotions become differentiated until they evolve into the emotions we experience as adults: joy, anxiety, fear, frustration, passion, anger, depression & so forth.
As we mature,
we each develop an individual style of dealing w/our emotions. Our personal style becomes set fairly early on, so that, w/out even thinking, we react to various emotional stimuli in our own particular way.
For
example, the person who, when frustrated goes into a rage, vs.the person who keeps his frustration inside & develops a headache.
We learn our emotional reactions by example, by being taught &
by experience, that is, finding out what works for us. This isn't necessarily a conscious, cognitive process. For many of
us, we would have to stop & think, " Well, what do I do when I'm afraid, frustrated, etc."
Our emotional response then is automatic, not necessarily rational
& not always adequate. With that as a foundation, the caregiver comes to the role more or less prepared to deal w/emotions, although she is almost never prepared enough for the enormous emotional challenges that will be encountered.
It therefore serves us well to take a more concrete, problem solving
approach to caregiver emotional reactions, rather than assuming that our usual way of coping w/negative emotions will suffice.
What is the goal? If you set
unrealistic expectations of cure, or expect to turn back the clock, you will sink before you begin. However, even assuming you have accurately assessed these two factors,
it is still helpful to take a problem solving approach to the emotions you may feel.
Let us first look at how we
learn to deal w/emotions. As noted above, early on we develop our own style. As part of that style, we use psychological defenses in order to deal w/feelings, especially unacceptable or threatening feelings. We develop preferred defensive styles when we are young.
Defenses, despite their bad rap, aren't necessarily negative. They prevent us from being overwhelmed by emotions since they can give us time to regroup. For example:
When a family hears the diagnosis
of Alzheimer's Disease in a loved one, they may initially respond w/ denial -
" Its not Alzheimer's Disease. He's just getting older & having some memory problems."
Denial here gives time for a breather & a gathering of resources.
Denial, like other psychological defenses only becomes a problem when it goes on & on & interferes with coping & problem solving.
Another defense, rationalization, is an attempt to justify something that is not reasonable in order to make it acceptable. For example, the caregiver who is depressed by the restrictions of taking care of a loved one, rationalizes that no one else can do the job as well & therefore continues
feeling trapped & overworked.
Psychological defenses are used to deal with emotions but too often do not provide enough of an answer.
Overcoming Caregiver Stress
Practically, the obvious first
recommendation for overcoming caregiver stress, whether it is physical, emotional, or time limitations, is to take care of yourself. Caregivers hear this often. It is not a new idea.
It's just that caregivers
don't take time because they're too busy to figure out what this means for them. Taking time to meet your needs has tremendous payoff in terms of your ability to deal with emotional stress.
This means making sure you
have adequate rest, nutrition, & exercise. More specifically it may be helpful to take time for one of the
relaxation techniques such as yoga or mediation.
To successfully use any activity for stress reduction, however, one must plan & set up a specific realistic time when it can be done. Similarly, time away at an activity, which brings pleasure, must be planned.
Whether the activity is a
brief extended venture, it won't happen by just saying you should do it. You must make a definite plan & follow through.
Develop a support system, that is a community of friends, relatives,
& professionals who will be resources for you. Make a list of people:
- On whom you can rely on for specific tasks & assistance
- On whom you can share your feelings
- Who can help with transportation
- Who can stay w/your loved one for a while
- With whom can you go out & have a good time
- To whom you can go when you need professional help
To deal w/emotions more specifically, you must become proactive
so that the same emotional stress does not repeatedly wear you down. Usually it is certain situations w/an impaired loved
one that are the trigger for upsetting emotional reactions. You won't always be prepared & in control but being aware
& planning ahead can help a lot.
There are also steps that are useful in
understanding & dealing w/your feelings.
- Identify the feeling. You must first know what it is that you
feel. Anxiety, anger, depression are qualitatively different & have different antecedents.
- Admit that you have the feeling even though it is unpleasant
& accept that it is yours.
- Take a step back & gain some distance from the situation. Go to the next room. Take a walk.
- Analyze. Use the time to figure out what triggers the
feeling. What it is about a situation that makes you feel a certain way? How do you react? What does the situation mean to
you?
- Talk about your feelings w/someone who you trust, or write them down to express them. Sometimes writing
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