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welcome! to anxieties 101!
after looking things over here at anxieties 101,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i
just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
 
Making the site work best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you've reached
not only, "anxieties 101," but the emotional feelings network
of sites. There are many sites included within the network that will be visited by clicking on these underlined link
words. They're all linked together thru the underlined link words to offer the opportunity for a more thorough understanding
of whatever problem you're investigating!
The reason for this opportunity
is very simple & yet you may be unnerved by all those underlined words! I've been in recovery from post traumatic stress disorder, depression & many other dysfunctional ventures & thru it all I've discovered that emotion & feeling
work may be the missing link that many people miss when trying to find solutions to their problems.
Developing a sense of curiosity about why you feel the way you do, is essential in finding the solution you so desperately are searching for. If you
can't find what you came here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking here & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling & click on the
site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout
the years!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
new info! jan. 14th, 2006
unfeeling? have you been experiencing a "numbness" or someone has described you as "unfeeling?" if so - read my personal commentary concerning Disenfranchised
Dads article - top - righthand column - by clicking here!
 'Downward Mobility' Hits Men Hardest
They're more likely to suffer depression than women as incomes decline, study finds
WEDNESDAY, Sept. 21 (HealthDay
News) "Downward mobility," or a drop in economic & social class, quadruples the risk of depression in middle-aged men but doesn't have the same kind of impact on
older women, British researchers say.
Reporting in the current issue
of the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, researchers at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne who studied
more than 500 men & women found that more women than men were clinically depressed at age 50.
In total, twice as many women
as men reported downward social mobility between birth & 50 years of age. The study also found that women's risk of depression at mid-life was strongly associated with their social class at birth.
However, by age 50, downwardly
mobile men were more than 3.5 times as likely to be depressed as downwardly mobile women, the researchers found. Men who fell to a lower socioeconomic class were about 4 times as likely to be depressed as men who remained in the same social class, the study concluded.
The findings indicate that
women may be more sensitive than men to low socioeconomic status when they're very young, but less so as they age, the researchers said.
They also noted that service
industries have grown while Britain's manufacturing base has declined. And because service industries tend to employ more
women than men, work in these sectors may affect men's role-identity & self esteem.
More information
The American College of Physicians has more about depression (www.doctorsforadults.com ).
internal & external factors in your life contribute to your likelihood
of experiencing depression.... consider the factors involved in your emotions, feelings, lifestyle factors,
and much more as you read over the possibilities on this page of "why" you're feeling depressed....
Researchers estimate
that at least 6 million men in the US suffer from a depressive disorder every year. Research & clinical evidence reveal that while both women & men can develop the standard symptoms of depression, they often experience depression differently & may have different ways of coping w/the symptoms.
"I'd drink &
I'd just get numb. I'd get numb to try to numb my head. I mean, we're talking many, many beers to get to that state where you could shut your head off, but then you wake
up the next day & it's still there. Because you have to deal w/it, it doesn't just go away. It isn't a two hour movie
& then at the end it goes 'The End' & you press off. I mean it's a 24 hour a day movie & you're thinking there is no end. It's horrible."
-Patrick McCathern, First Sergeant, U.S. Air Force, Retired
Men are more likely
than women to report alcohol & drug abuse or dependence in their lifetime; however, there's debate among researchers as to whether substance use is a "symptom" of underlying depression in men, or a co-occurring condition that more commonly develops in men.
counselling with menMost men, even male therapists, have a lot to learn before they can mix with women on a non-oppressive basis
in psychotherapy and the wider world, says John Rowan
"When I was feeling depressed I was very reckless w/my life. I didn't care about how I drove, I didn't care about walking across the street carefully, I didn't care about dangerous parts of the city. I wouldn't be affected by any kinds of warnings on travel or places to go. I didn't care. I didn't care whether I lived or died & so I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And when you take those kinds of
chances, you have a greater likelihood of dying."
-Bill Maruyama, Lawyer
4 times as many men
as women die by suicide in the US, even though women make more suicide attempts during their lives. In addition to the fact
that the methods men use to attempt suicide are generally more lethal than those methods used by women, there may be other
issues that protect women against suicide death. In light of research indicating that suicide is often associated w/depression, the alarming suicide rate among men may reflect the fact that men are less likely to seek treatment for depression.
Many men w/depression don't obtain adequate diagnosis & treatment, which may be life saving.
Depressive Illnesses Come in Various Forms
- Some depressive episodes occur suddenly for no apparent reason.
- Some are triggered by a stressful experience.
- Some people have one episode in a lifetime; others, recurrent
episodes.
- Some people's symptoms are so severe they're unable to function as usual.
- Others have ongoing, chronic symptoms that don't interfere
w/functioning, but keep them from feeling really well.
- Some people have bipolar disorder (also called manic-depressive illness). They experience cycles of terrible "lows" &
inappropriate "highs."
Over 19 Million American Adults Suffer From Depressive Illnesses Depressive illnesses take a staggering toll:
- They cause great pain to millions of people.
- The lives of families & friends are affected, often seriously
disrupted.
- They hurt the economy, costing an estimated $30.4 billion in
1990.
Many Don't Recognize Their Illness Nearly 2/3 of depressed people don't get appropriate treatment because their symptoms:
- Are not recognized.
- Are blamed on personal weakness.
- Are so disabling that people can't reach out for help.
- Are misdiagnosed & wrongly treated.
Symptoms of Depression Can Include:
- Persistent sad or "empty" mood
- Loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities, including
sex
- Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
- Sleep disturbances (insomnia, early-morning waking, or oversleeping)
- Eating disturbances (loss of appetite & weight, or weight gain)
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
- Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
- Irritability
- Excessive crying
- Chronic aches & pains that don't respond to treatment
Symptoms of Mania Can Include:
- Excessively "high" mood
- Irritability
- Decreased need for sleep
- Increased energy & activity
- Increased talking, moving & sexual activity
- Racing thoughts
- Disturbed ability to make decisions
- Grandiose notions
- Being easily distracted
In the Workplace, Depression Often May Be Recognized By:
- Decreased productivity
- Morale problems
- Lack of cooperation
- Safety problems, accidents
- Absenteeism
- Frequent complaints of being tired all the time
- Complaints of unexplained aches & pains
- Alcohol and drug abuse
Get an Accurate Diagnosis A thorough diagnosis is needed if 5 or more of the symptoms of depression or mania persist for more than 2 weeks, or are interfering w/work or family life. A good diagnosis involves a complete physical checkup
& a review of family history of health problems.
Most People Can Be Helped Quickly Depression w/Other Illnesses: Depression often co-occurs with medical, psychiatric & substance abuse disorders, though it is frequently unrecognized & untreated. This can lead to unnecessary suffering since depression is usually treatable, even when it co-occurs w/other disorders.
Individuals or family members
w/concerns about the co-occurrence of depression w/another illness should discuss these issues w/the physician.
With available treatment, 80% of the people w/serious depression, even those with the most severe forms, can improve significantly. Symptoms can be relieved, usually in a matter of weeks.
- There are effective medications & psychotherapies (talk therapies) treatments that often are used in combination. In severe depression, medication is usually required.
- A number of short-term talk therapies to treat clinical depression have been developed in recent years.
- Several types of medications are available, none of them habit-forming.
People w/severe depression respond more rapidly & more consistently to medication. Those with recurring depression, including bipolar disorder, may need to stay on medication to prevent or lessen further episodes.
- Many patients need psychotherapy to deal with the psychological or interpersonal problems often associated w/their illness.
- Other biological treatments can be helpful. For example, electroconvulsive
treatment (ECT) is a safe & often effective treatment for the most severe depression. Research is also being done on the use of light for the treatment of depression.
- Early intervention may lessen severity of symptoms & shorten
the episode. Individuals respond differently to treatment. If after several weeks symptoms have not improved, the treatment
plan should be reevaluated.
- Individuals respond differently to treatments. If after several weeks symptoms have not improved, the treatment plan
should be discussed with the doctor.
Cost of Depression Can Be Reduced When diagnosed early in the course of the illness, depressed people usually can be treated on an outpatient basis & improve productivity, avoid lost work time & reduce high costs for:
- Prolonged treatment
- Hospitalization
- Treatment of other physical & mental disorders resulting
from untreated depression
Evaluation & Treatment Can Be Received From:
- Physicians
- Mental health specialists
- Employee assistance programs (EAPs)
- Health maintenance organizations
- Community mental health centers
- Hospital departments of psychiatry or outpatient psychiatric
clinics
- University- or medical school-affiliated programs
- State hospital outpatient clinics
- Family service/social agencies
- Private clinics & facilities
- In addition to treatment, joining a support group may be helpful
Depressed Persons May Need To Get Help The very nature
of depressive illnesses can interfere with a person's ability or wish to get help. Depression saps energy & self-esteem & makes a person feel tired, worthless, helpless & hopeless. Therefore, seriously depressed people need encouragement from family & friends to seek treatment to ease their pain.
Men's
Symptoms, Fears & Struggles - Are you wondering
if you're experiencing a mental illness ?
"I was being told to relax & I did not like that. To top it off, the doctor (correctly) assumed that I did
not know "how" to relax.
"He provided a reference so I
could learn. The novelty of this drugless approach is what persuaded me to try it. It worked; the pain went away. For the first time in my life I had a
prescription filled not at the drugstore, but at the bookstore. "
"Typical," I thought...for a man, but this remark is being made by a women... DoctorYourself.com by Dr.
Andrew Saul is a great website. Looking for information about men & their individuality in mental illnesses, I came upon
these comments from Dr. Saul (above & below) Perhaps some men out there can identify
and relate to his thinking.
"While studying at the nearby Canberra Hospital, I learned other stress reduction techniques such as imaging, self-hypnosis, & auto-relaxation from as many staff & consulting psychiatrists as I could locate.
Many people I knew & respected began Transcendental Meditation, w/evident beneficial results." Treatment of anxiety
& tension without drugs?
In determining if you are experiencing
anxiety disorders or depression, think about if you have recently begun to experience problems when you are in public, such as:
- An overwhelming anxiety & excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations
- A persistent,
intense, almost chronic fear of being watched & judged by others
- Being
embarrassed or humiliated by your own ordinary actions in public
- The
fear being so severe that it interferes w/work or school, & other ordinary activities
- Recognizing
the fear of being around people may be excessive or unreasonable, but you can't overcome it
- Excessive
worry for days or weeks in advance of a dreaded imminent public situation
- A fear of speaking in formal or informal situations
- Fears about eating, drinking, or writing in front of others
- In the
most severe form, your fears appear to be so broad that you experience symptoms almost anytime they are around other people
- Blushing, profuse sweating,
trembling, nausea & difficulty talking in public situations
- Painfully
embarrassed by these symptoms & feel as though all eyes are focused on you ????
what i've learned as a wife, mother & human being in my much
experienced lifetime... kathleen howe
I can really understand why men feel "left out" of the loop concerning their relationships with women during their lifetime. After all, most likely
it was a woman who raised you - a woman who was most likely - dealing with her own issues in one way or another - & not
aware that "her issues" would ever bear weight upon your own personality & understanding of life.
While quite often, boys are closer to Mom than they are with their dads.... it's the dad they're wishing & secretly hoping for - to bond solidly with & share those "boy things" while growing up. Boys are lost in the wilderness of life, wondering
what it was they did, that would make their dad so angry, so distant or so aloof with them. And that's if there's a dad in
the picture.
Sometimes, dad isn't around while boys are growing up. I've experienced
this situation in my own life. First thru divorce - when I remarried my new husband wanted to move 1800 miles away from my
ex-husband. While we didn't have "boys," we shared two daughters instead, it was still causing the dilemma of an "absent
father" for my daughters. My ex-husband was livid with me for moving them from Florida to Michigan. I think he actually hated
me for doing it.
And then there's the many boys who are growing up without fathers because
of the "evils of the world," domestic violence, crime & abandonment; which is the case with my second son. He's thirteen
now. I'm remarried now, but when I see my son trying to figure out how he's like his birth father & process the information
he knows about his birth father - who lives far away from us & is an abusive person - he knows he can't get to know
him because he was a violent person. It's heart-breaking, but true.
I wonder sometimes if my son's anger problems are because he is trying
to "be like" what he knows of his birth father. But then again, he might just be angry that he can't get to know his
"real father." He feels helpless about it all & very frustrated.
But, in our case, there's a step father involved. Some of you guys might
be step fathers. My son has tried so hard to establish a relationship with my husband. He needs & wants a father
in his life to share those "boy things" with. It's been a difficult road for the two of them, but they're beginning to
accept each other for who each of them are - and they're becoming "buds."
I believe that it's so important for you guys out there to get real honest with yourselves & look back at your years growing up. What was your relationship like with your own dad? Did you bond
with him, have an honest, loving & authentic relationship with your dad or were you always secretly wishing & hoping for that relationship to evolve?
How did you feel as a child growing up? Was your dad always
working, sometimes unthinking & non-responsive to your requests for attention? Was your father abusive? Was your father absent? How did that make you feel? If you had a negative experience with your father - have you ever processed the emotions & feelings that you experienced as a child?
If you did experience a "negative relationship" with your dad, are you following in his footsteps by relating to your own son in the only way you know how
- like your father did with you? I've heard so many men say - "I don't ever want to be like my father was when I was growing
up." Is that how you feel? While men feel that they want to avoid their own father's mistakes, it's most likely that they'll end up following in his footsteps - acting much the same way their
father did - without even realizing they're doing it. It's true guys... think about it.
If you have buried emotions & feelings about your father from childhood, it's time to recall them... bring them up to the surface & explore them. Processing
these emotions & feelings will allow you to get more "real" in your life now. It will allow you to be more aware of what's going on in your present life - with your wife, with your children, with your family & your friends. Getting
out the hurt you've experienced, processing it & making it go away is one of your jobs as a man, that you must undertake. It's
your responsibility towards yourself first - & then your family.
Then there are those men who have daughters.... My own daughter,
my oldest daughter in fact, has said to me, "Mom, please don't let this hurt your feelings, but you know I love dad, more
than I ever loved you." She's 27 now & still feels that way.
It's a statement that has taken me some time to process.
But I love her with all of my heart so I've processed it completely. I understand it. I am fine with it. I know she doesn't
know what it means although I do.
She has always been - her father's
little girl - until she graduate from college that is...... Are you a father who adored your daughter so much
that you'd give her all the things she asked for?
Did you get the nickname, "Daddy
Moneybags" while she was growing up? Did you give her a dollar when she was two or three simply because she wanted
it? Did you give her a twenty dollar bill when she was a teenager, going to the movies with her friends - every time she asked
for it? And while she was in college - did you pay for all of her expenses not wanting her to struggle with work & her
studies?
Did you pay for that trip she wanted to take - to Europe - for her summer break? Have you paid for her car, gas & all of her car expenses? Did it always
"feel good" to be able to give her that money? Did it make you feel like a good father? Is that what your father did with
your sisters, if you had them?
I believe that when a "daddy" gives his daughter every monetary request made, that he's doing his daughter a huge disservice.
In my own daughter's case, at 27 years old, single & struggling, I
believe her father is resentful now when as an adult - his daughter continues to ask & expect him to assist her with her finances.
I believe he gets angry about it. In her case, when she graduated from the University of Florida, he told her that her "Daddy Moneybags" no longer existed. He told her that he had "done his job" as a father & now as a college
graduate - she was "on her own!"
It hasn't gone over very well.
She would be fine with it if, he'd
replaced those dollars with loving kindness, supportive advice, and consistent unconditional love. He never was very good
at that though. How about you? Are you in the same boat? Has your yacht sailed in & you still have a struggling, pathetic,
loser for a daughter? Do you resent the fact that she is always complaining about life & asking for help with her finances?
Do you wonder why she isn't happy?
Think about it Dads.... How would you feel if suddenly your daughter said to you, "Dad, all I want from you now is your unconditional
love, support & kindness. I need your respect, admiration & a solid relationship." Would you know how to give that
to her? Would you be angry because you don't think you can give that to her? Do you feel she's being clingy, dependent &
selfish?
Why in the world would she be that way?
As a Dad, how have you taught your children what marriage
is about? How have you modeled a marriage relationship for your
children to follow? Whether you have boys, girls or both - how have you shown your children that you love your wife, their
mother - and how to follow in your footsteps as a good spouse, parent, friend and lover?
Have you taken the time to think back at how your own Dad treated your mother?
Have you taught your children that your marriage has been important to you? Have you always treated your wife with respect, admiration & unconditional
love?
How about your career? Did that come first no matter what
- or did your relationship with your wife & children come first? I'm curious about that. If you are experiencing problems
with your marriage - what have you done to resolve those problems?
Did you give up on your marriage? Did you cheat on your wife?
Did you travel all over the earth for your living? Did you ever consider that your actions speak louder than your words?
Have you ever taken the time to consider that when you are
walking your daughter down the aisle at her wedding that you haven't taught her the first important thing about how she should
treat her husband & be a good spouse, friend and lover to her husband? Many men don't ever think about these things.....
they never saw their own fathers thinking about these things - end result.... they have even more problems than they ever thought possible.
Are you happy with your life? Are you feeling pressured at work or at home? Do you feel alone although you live
in a house full of people? Do you feel that you've been disillusioned with what life is really about? Are you stressed, anxious
& exhausted? Do you feel fulfilled or unfulfilled with your life? Are you seriously miserable with every little thing
in your life?
It's not hard to figure our what's happening.
If you can just break out of your mold for a few short hours, screw your head on tightly &
rightly, and be honest with yourself - no matter how difficult & unpleasant that may be - you can change your whole life.
It's not hard to figure out why you're unhappy. I promise you.
If you're feeling like you've not met your goals in life, that
you're alone & frustrated, depressed & miserable, then perhaps you've lost sight of your dreams. Perhaps you
got caught up in the scheme of things... trying to do your job as a provider, it's not easy these days.... perhaps you forgot
how to have fun & laugh. Perhaps you've forgotten how much you love & care about your wife, your children... and most
importantly - perhaps you aren't sure that you like yourself ... ever thought of that?
Although it seems I'm talking only to married men, ask yourself....
am I happy with my life?
If you can answer that question with a profound & meaningful - "yes"
- then I can almost guarantee that you're not here reading my words!
You don't have to be married to get depressed, although it certainly seems that marriage always gets you there faster!
So what do you do with yourself? Men
are fixers - if something's wrong they fix it! They think about it, make a plan, follow the plan - end
result.... it's fixed! Same action is needed here, believe me.
It's just that easy. Sit down outside in nature for a short hour. Think backwards in time at how you were raised as a child.
What were your parents like? Did you experience any hurt or heart break? What were those hard times about? Did you feel unconditionally
loved? Did you trust your parents? How did you feel about yourself as a child? Did you feel confident & happy or was something
always missing in your life? Were you confused & lonely?
1. Come to some conclusions about your childhood. Every
little thing that I've talked about here today; consider those things. Just spend some time with yourself & think
about it all. Teach yourself to do relaxation breathing. Sit outside in some nature - alone - in quiet & ponder upon your
childhood. It's a good thing to do. Capture yourself as a child again. Get to know yourself as a child. Then when you feel
secure with what you've concluded about it all, get back to whatever you need to do. Just don't forget your conclusion.
2. Talk about whatever you have concluded with your wife, good trusted friend, or even your parent(s) or sibling(s). After you've unloaded, be quiet. Learn how to really
listen. Cover your mouth with your hand if you're tempted to talk, argue or debate. Just listen. That's all - when you feel
as though you've absorbed the feedback, then thank whoever you have chosen to talk to - for listening to you. Thank them for
offering feedback. Consider the feedback when you have some alone time. It's always good to be outside in nature with a quiet
mind when you are pondering important issues like this. Reflect, then write down how you feel about it. Write down your feelings
& emotions on a piece of paper. Do you know what to do with those emotions?
3. If you're having trouble with your thinking processes, click here & read about our thought processes. Then click here and read about your belief system. Learn more about it. Maybe something will click.
4. Learn about your unresolved emotions & feelings. Tackle
those unresolved emotions & feelings by reading more about them. If you've had trouble identifying your emotions &
feelings - click here - then click here - and read about emotions & feelings. Just when you thought you knew it all.... you'll learn something new!
5. When I was in your present situation, I did an exercise that really
helped me with visiting my childhood & trying to identify my unresolved feelings & emotions.... click here to see what I did & if you think it may be helpful for you - try it yourself!
6. Here are some links to some more very important information you must consider before making your plan to fix your problem.
7. Apply these principles to your life & to others around you. Make a plan to incorporate these principles into your life & follow that plan. It's okay to do it.
You'll feel better & maybe even get happy.
If you should have any questions about these principles or anything else - don't hesitate
to send me some mail....
I'm always here - thinking about you all out there!
Kathleen
men's issues....
what may be causing you emotional distress? self doubts? disturbing your lifestyle....
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