Click on the new page - the network guide - to introduce yourself to what this self help network of websites has to offer you.
You've arrived! to that mystical place in your life
that you just couldn't wait for.... you are now an adult. What does that mean to you? Is everything what you hoped it would be as soon as the mystical magical beginning of your twenties occurs? Let's take a peek at what's happening to most
young adults...
I've included a new guide of what is available within
the entire emotional feelings network of sites! Please check the navigational panel on the
left and you'll see it listed right under the homepage!
and you can help support me in my writing ventures by visiting my health and happiness column for the Dayton,
Ohio area by clicking here! Even though you don't live in the Dayton area you can get some great health and happiness ideas by reading my column and
then looking for something similar in your area!
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Sensitivity to the warning signs can save undergrads' lives, experts say
It can be a difficult
time. Suddenly, perhaps for the 1st time in your life, you're moving away from everything familiar to you -
family, friends, home, community & beginning to make your way as a young adult entirely surrounded by strangers,
in a new setting.
According to a recent UCLA study, more than 30% of college freshmen reported feeling overwhelmed a great deal of the time during the beginning of college & Johns Hopkins University reported that more than 40% of a
recent freshman class sought help from the student counseling center. So understand that if you're feeling pressure & stress, you're not alone.
Many college students
have minor problems adjusting to their new environment. Here are a few ideas that can help you manage your feelings of pressure & stress:
Better plan your use of time. Make time every day to prioritize
your work. Prioritizing can give you a sense of control over what you must do & a sense that you can do it.
Plan your work & sleep schedules. Too many students defer
doing important class work until late at night, work thru much of the night, & start each new day exhausted. Constant fatigue can be
a critical trigger for depression. 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night is important to your well-being.
Join an extracurricular activity.
Sports, theater, Greek life, the student newspaper - whatever interests you - can bring opportunities to meet people interested
in the same things you are & it provides a welcome change from class work.
Make a friend. Sometimes
this may be a roommate or someone you meet in class or in the cafeteria. Friendships can help make a strange place feel more friendly & comfortable.
Take time for yourself each day. Make this special time - even if it's only 15 minutes by yourself - a period where you think about your feelings & dreams. Focusing on yourself can be energizing & gives a feeling of purposefulness & control over your life.
The nature of college life,
especially on a large campus, often leads to feelings of loneliness. When you first come to college, you're often separated from the people you know well: your family & friends. It's hard
to get used to new people, a new environment & new academic challenges.
Those you relied on
for support aren't around, & there is sometimes no one with whom to share your feelings & experiences. Even if you have been on campus for a while & know many people, you may still feel lonely.
A helpful strategy is to realize
that feelings of loneliness are usually signals that you're not meeting some BASIC SOCIAL NEEDS. When you think about what the lonelyfeelings mean, they may point to your missing a particular person or group. Perhaps a telephone call or visit could help.
The lonely feelings may also be more of a general detachment from others. In this case, it's important to push yourself a little to get out & meet new people & do new things. Involving yourself in a campus organization
or a club might help. Simply changing seats in your classes, or eating lunch w/other people could be the answer.
The important point is that you realize that loneliness is a state of mind that can be actively changed. Taking action is key to feeling better. Exercise is a great activity for feeling better & could also lead to meeting others. Even if you can't get together w/others right
away, simply doing things alone that you enjoy, for example a hobby, can help set you on the road out of the LONELINESS RUT.
BETHESDA, MD (NIH) Impatience & hostility, 2 hallmarks of the "type A" behavior pattern, increase young adults' long-term risk of developing high blood pressure, according
to a study funded by the National Heart, Lung, & Blood Institute (NHLBI), part of the National Institutes of Health. Further,
the more intense the behaviors, the greater the risk.
However, other psychological
& social factors, such as competitiveness, depression & anxiety, didn't increase hypertension risk.
The research appears in the
October 22/29, 2003, issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association. It was conducted by scientists at the Northwestern
University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, the University of Pittsburgh in PA, the University of Alabama at Birmingham,
& the Birmingham Veterans Affairs Medical Center.
The research is the first
prospective study to examine as a group the effects of key type A behaviors, depression & anxiety on the long-term risk for high blood pressure. Earlier studies had mostly looked at individual psychological & social
behaviors & found conflicting results.
"The notion that a 'type A'
behavior pattern is 'bad' for your health has been around for many years," said NHLBI Acting Director Dr. Barbara Alving.
"This study helps us understand which aspects of that behavior pattern may be unhealthy.
"High blood pressure is a
complicated condition," she continued. "Biological & dietary factors are involved in its development. The study suggests
that behavior & lifestyle play a role in preventing & managing the condition."
High blood pressure, also
known as hypertension, is a major risk factor for heart disease, kidney disease & congestive heart failure, & the
chief risk factor for stroke. Normal blood pressure is a systolic of less than 120 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg) & a
diastolic of less than 80 mm Hg; high blood pressure is a systolic of 140 mm Hg or higher, or a diastolic of 90 mm Hg or higher.
About 50 million Americans,
1 in 4, have high blood pressure & its prevalence increases sharply with age: The condition affects about 3% of those
ages 18-24 & about 70% of those 75 & older.
"Although high blood pressure
is less common among young adults, young adulthood & early middle age is a critical period for the development of hypertension
& other risk factors for heart disease," said lead author Dr. Lijing L. Yan, Research Assistant Professor of Preventive
Medicine at Northwestern University. "Previous research on young adults is limited, & our study helps to fill that gap."
The study used data from the
NHLBI's Coronary Artery Risk Development in Young Adults (CARDIA) study, which involved 3,308 black & white men &
women from 4 metropolitan areas (Birmingham, AL, Chicago, IL, Minneapolis, MN, & Oakland, CA). The participants were aged
18-30 at the time of their enrollment in the study. Enrollment took place from 1985 to 1986.
Participants were followed
through 2000 or 2001, & had periodic physical examinations, which included blood pressure measurements & self-administered
psycho-social questionnaires. 15% of all the participants had developed high blood pressure by ages 33-45.
The first 3 are key components
of the type A behavior pattern & were assessed at the start of the study; the other 2 behaviors were assessed 5 years
later. The factors were assessed by different scales based on the psychosocial instrument used but, in every case, a higher
score meant the most intense degree of the behavior.
Time urgency/impatience was rated on a scale from 0 to 3-4. After 15 years, participants w/the highest score of 3-4 had an 84% greater risk of developing
high blood pressure & those with the second highest score of 2 had a 47% greater risk, compared w/those w/the lowest score
of 0.
Hostility was rated on a score of 0 to 50 & then categorized into quartiles. After 15 years, those in the highest quartile had
an 84% higher risk of hypertension & those in the 2nd highest quartile had a 38% higher risk, compared with those in the
lowest quartile.
No significant relationship
was found for the other factors.
Results were similar for blacks
& whites, & were not affected by age, gender, race, blood pressure at the time of enrollment, or education. They also
held regardless of the presence of such established hypertension risk factors as:
overweight/obesity
alcohol consumption
physical inactivity
The researchers state that
the rise in blood pressure due to psychological & social factors may be caused by a complex set of mechanisms & isn't
well understood. For instance, they note that stress could activate the sympathetic nervous system, causing a series of heart & blood vessel repercussions, including narrowing
of the blood vessels & an increase in blood pressure.
"This long-term study has
given us much-needed information about the effects of psychological & social factors," said Dr. Catherine Loria, CARDIA
Project Officer at NHLBI. "But more research must be done on this topic, especially considering the widespread prevalence
of high blood pressure in the U.S. and the fast pace of our lives."
.....college
lifestyle diet
You are on your
own now. What are you eating? More importantly, what aren't you eating that you should be? Let's take a look at how college life doesn't have to mean pizza, pizza &
pizza for your daily meals.
How your college
lifestyle diet affects your sleep habits.
For some students, their only source of nutrition
comes from vending machines, soda machines & fast food restaurants.
Most students don't gain the much ballyhooed "freshman 15,"
but college men gained an average of 5.5 pounds their freshman year & college women gained an average 4.5 pounds.
66% of freshmen don't consume the recommended 5 servings of
fruits & vegetables a day.
50% of all students don't get enough fiber (25 grams a day).
60% eat too much artery-clogging saturated fat.
30% of women don't get enough calcium.
59% say they know their diet has gone downhill since
they went to college.
The results are significant because
the eating habits men & women develop during their college years often follow them into their 20's & 30's.
They may
think their diet is healthier than it is. For instance, during their freshman year, about 1/3 of the students eliminated
red meat, but many didn't compensate by eating healthier choices such as legumes, soy products & leafy green vegetables,
she says.
Instead,
they consumed more baked goods & cheese. As a result, they consume about the same amount of saturated fat as red-meat
eaters, Economos says.
Other findings:
32% of all students report a decline in their body image during their freshman year.
40% of normal weight college women perceive that they are overweight.
41% report a decline in their overall feeling of happiness during their freshman year.
(USA TODAY) When young people leave the nest to fly on their own, their weight often soars, too. The percentage of people who
are obese doubles from the teen years to the mid-20s, according to a study that tracked almost 10,000 people.
About 22% of twentysomethings
are obese, which is roughly 30 pounds over a healthy weight. About 1/2 of them were obese as teenagers.
Experts are worried because
they say this sudden weight gain sets the stage for serious health problems linked to obesity, including diabetes, heart disease
& most types of cancer.
Twentysomethings may be vulnerable to weight gain because "they're going to college, moving, finding jobs, getting married, having babies. It's a jam-packed
decade," says lead researcher Penny Gordon-Larsen, an assistant professor of nutrition at the University of North Carolina-Chapel
Hill.
"Just like everybody else,
they fall prey to giant portion sizes & junk foods. I don't know if they're too busy to exercise or don't have the opportunity to easily exercise in their neighborhoods."
She is presenting her research today
in Fort Lauderdale at the annual meeting of the North American Assoc. for the Study of Obesity, co-sponsored by the American
Diabetes Association.
For the latest study, Gordon-Larsen
& UNC colleagues reviewed the height & weight records of 9,561 people in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent
Health. Participants, who were ages 13 to 20 when the study started, were weighed & measured until they were 19 to 26.
Researchers found that overall,
27% were overweight & 22% obese by their 20s. About 11% were obese as teenagers at the start of the research & stayed that way, & another 11% became obese during this time period.
Young blacks were found to
have the highest obesity rates; Asians had the lowest rates.
Overall, 31% of adults in
the USA are obese.
"This is a wake-up call,"
says George Blackburn, associate director of the division of nutrition at Harvard Medical School. The weight gain has to do
with portion sizes & food patterns, he says.
"It has to be something in
the environment because the genetics haven't changed that much," he says.
The study emphasizes the needs for as much prevention as possible at an early age to get people on the right path, Gordon-Larsen says.
Young people have to be physically
active even though they're busy, she says. "Companies should set up blocks of time during the work day when people can exercise & create places for employees to exercise. Workplace cafeterias need to offer healthy foods at a reasonable price & in reasonable portions.
"Everybody thinks this is a time of peak health, but it's not," Gordon-Larsen says. "Obesity is a problem for this age group."
Copyright 2003 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett
Co. Inc.
The average age at onset for a first manic episode is the early 20's
college
lifestyle exercise.....
you should have a pretty regular
exercise routine worked out w/all the walking or bike riding you do on campus. just in case you don't or your routine just
isn't making the grade in your book, click here for special pointers on how to rearrange a few things to make everything work better for you.
Schizophrenia often first appears earlier
in men, usually in their late teens or early 20s, than in women, who are generally affected in their 20s or early 30s.
college
lifestyle relaxation.....
........college
lifestyle emotional baggage
Eating Disorders
abound on the University's campus as students begin to take responsibility for their own lives by trying
to balance & organize their academic, social, & personal activities. Eating disorders arise from a combination of
emotional, psychological, & social conditions. Poor self-image, depression, anxiety, loneliness, certain family & personal relationships, & cultural pressures to be thin may contribute
to the development of an eating disorder. In an attempt to exert control over their lives, those who suffer from eating disorders
may use food & weight as a way of handling stress, avoiding failure, fighting off feelings
of depression, and/or dealing with academic or sexual conflict.
ANOREXIA NERVOSA:
is a condition that results from self-starvation,
often results in a loss of 20-25% of normal weight. Current studies suggest that 90% of those w/anorexia are women, &
10% are men. Characteristics of those suffering from anorexia may include the following:
intense fear of fat
distorted body image
preoccupation w/diets & exercise
depression & mood disturbances
& loss of self-esteem
Physical effects may include:
malnutrition
loss of hair
muscle cramps
dehydration
kidney impairment
cessation of menstruation
infertility
in the most severe cases (10%), death
BULIMIA NERVOSA:
is known as the "binge-purge" syndrome
in which the person shows a behavior pattern of periodically eating large quantities of food in a relatively short period
of time. The binges are followed by purging, in the form of self-induced vomiting, or abuse of laxatives, diet pills, &/or
diuretics, excessive exercise, or fasting.
Bulimics are not as readily identifiable as
anorexics because they tend to be of average or slightly above average body weight. They are also hard to identify because
of the frequently secretive nature of their addiction. Specific medical complications arising from bulimia include:
tooth and gum decay caused by constant vomiting
of stomach acid
Partner 1: "Why don't
you ever talk to me?" Partner 2: "I do talk to you. I talk to you all the time." Partner 1:
"No, you don't! You just don't care about me." Partner 2: "Leave me alone! Why are you always nagging me?" Partner
1: "If I didn't nag at you, you would never listen to what I have to say." Partner 2: Walks away, muttering, "What
do you want from me?"
Does this exchange sound familiar? Have
you heard yourself, or someone you know, get into such a fruitless conversation? The above scenario is a typical, even stereotypical,
exchange between the members of an ongoing relationship who have discovered that the other person's intimacy needs are different
from their own. Such differences need not have a serious impact on the quality of a relationship, but they can be fatal if
not understood & resolved, at least to some level.
Intimacy can be thought of as a continuum; one
pole being total enmeshment (no separation) w/another, the other pole being total isolation from everyone. Obviously neither
extreme is desirable, nor is it healthy. Nearly everyone falls somewhere in between these extremes, but that still leaves
a lot of room for disagreement.
A person's comfortable level of intimacy
is determined by several factors. First, one's culture or ethnicity plays a role. Some cultures as a whole are more emotionally
expressive, "warmer" if you will, than others; and likewise some are "cooler." Relationships between partners of different
ethnic background can create differences in behavior & expectations.
A second factor is
family environment. While certainly affected by culture, each family has its own level of emotional intimacy. An individual
coming from a very expressive home may feel quite at home being close to another. On the other hand, a person may react to
a family that is too close by withdrawing. Thus, when a relationship gets too intimate for them, they may start an argument
or use other means to create some distance between the partners. A family that is too distant can create a need for closeness
in a person, becoming demanding when taken to an extreme.
Another factor affecting level of intimacy is
past experience. If you or your partner has had a previous relationship that ended badly, the partner involved may feel reluctant
to open up again. This situation can often resolve itself with time and the building of trust. However, the partner with higher intimacy needs should be careful
not to be too insistent on closeness, if the other partner is not ready. Such insistence could drive the other away.
A fourth factor is gender. While not always
the case, women are more frequently desirous of greater intimacy, while men are often looking for more space. While this may
in part be biological (caretaker vs. hunter/gatherer), much of this behavior is likely due to the traditional socialization
of women to be more relationship focused and men to be more independent.
So, you ask, my partner and I seem to
need different levels of intimacy. What can we do about it, so each of us can feel comfortable and satisfied? Several techniques
are available. First of all, each of you can examine your own relationships with friends, family, and each other, and then
rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 100 on your comfortable level of intimacy. Create a 10 point band on each side (since our
needs vary over time) and compare it to your partner's. Chances are there is some overlap. This common area is a place to
begin in learning to compromise on the intimacy level in your relationship. Making the numbers as behaviorally explicit as
possible is most helpful.
Secondly, notice the patterns in your interactions
that draw you closer and drive you away. The example at the beginning of the article showed one partner trying to engage the
other, but in actuality ended up driving that person away. One example of a pattern is the "accordion" effect, that is, partners
moving toward greater intimacy and then away from each other in a cyclical way. This effect probably occurs in most relationships,
and, if understood, need only cause problems if the partners choose to make it into one.
A second pattern is the "distancer-pursuer"
interaction. Such a pattern involves one partner always chasing the other, while that person keeps trying to create emotional
distance. This pattern is also known as "being attached by a ten-foot pole." The more the pursuer moves toward the distancer,
the more the distancer will pull back, thus maintaining the "ten-foot" distance. A third pattern is when one (or both) partners
likes a great deal of intimacy for short periods of time, then returning to a less intimate style. Understanding the patterns
of your relationship can help you realize that your partner actually does care, despite their apparent "apathy" of the moment,
or conversely, their feeling like you are trying to smother them.
The third, perhaps most important, technique
is to talk to each other as honestly and directly as possible about your intimacy needs. Your partner may be expressing their
love to you in one way, but if you are expecting it in another form, you may not be able to see it. Such a situation can be
highly frustrating for both partners, but perhaps most for the "giver," who, if not being understood, may stop giving and
just "give up."
.....college
lifestyle goals, choices & consequences
When college students are
depressed, they may experience other health or mental health problems. To relieve the misery of depression, some college
students turn to drugs or alcohol. Likewise, when college students abuse alcohol and/or drugs, depression can develop.
On the surface, it may seem
like a good idea to get high, to have fun, to relax, & to escape but the consequences of alcohol & drug abuse soon
become apparent in your life. Like depression, alcohol & drug abuse is serious. Fortunately, it is also treatable
& the key to treatment is to recognize the symptoms & to get help.
Take a look at this basic
information about the connection between alcohol and/or drug abuse & depression.
Alcohol abuse does
lasting damage. One night of heavy drinking can impair your ability to think well
for up to 30 days. Tens of thousands of today's college students will eventually die of alcohol-related causes, from
accidents, cirrhosis of the liver, heart disease & other diseases. Women are also more likely to develop alcohol-related
organ damage, developing liver disease sooner than men, & perhaps increasing the risk for breast cancer.
Behavioral changes & consequences
of drug abuse may include changes in overall personality, depression, declining grades, loss of
interest in family & friends, over-sensitivity, moodiness, nervousness, paranoia, secretive or suspicious behavior, &
excessive talkativeness. Often people also experience difficulty in paying attention, & a general lack of motivation
& energy, sometimes characterized by a "who cares" attitude.
Physical changes associated w/drug
abuse are often changes in eating habits, lack of physical coordination, puffy face, hyperactivity,
tremors, excessive sweating, runny nose or hacking cough.
Alcohol abuse can
compromise your personal safety. As many as 70% of college students admit to having engaged
in sexual activity as a result of alcohol abuse, & 90% of all campus rapes occur when alcohol has been used by either
the victim or the assailant. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, & can make people more vulnerable to troublesome situations.
When women drink
alcohol they are more easily impaired than men, because of the way their body absorbs the alcohol. People's perceptions
of potentially dangerous situations often change when alcohol or drugs are involved.
Here are some questions to ask
yourself about your use of alcohol &/or drugs. If you answer "yes" to most of them, then you're probably using too much:
Is your personality different
when you drink or do drugs?
Do you drink or do drugs to
gain courage to face social situations?
Has your drinking or drug use
ever caused you to miss class or appointments?
Do you use alcohol or drugs
as escapes when you are upset?
Is it hard for you to stop
drinking after you have 1 or 2 drinks?
Do you always end up drunk,
once you start drinking?
Have you tried, & failed,
to drink less alcohol or drink none at all?
Have you tried & failed
to cut down or stop using illicit drugs?
Do you sometimes have trouble
remembering what you did while under the influence of alcohol or other drugs? Do you regret doing some of the things
you do remember?
Have friends or family members
tried to express their concern about your drinking or drug use?
Has your class work suffered
because of your drinking or drug use?
Have you needed a drink
in the morning to get going after a night of heavy drinking?
If you need help dealing with your drinking
or drug use, contact your student health &/or counseling service. In addition to those services & the organizations
listed on our "surf the web" page, ask friends & family for help & support. Most people who care about you will
be glad to support your efforts to reduce your drinking or drug use.
has your slight tendency to
procrastinate become a lifestyle habit now that you are in college?
Are the clock & the calendar your
enemies?
Do you always park in Lot 4 because you are
late getting to campus?
Do you continually turn in papers or assignments
late because they are never "good enough?"
Are you graduating soon w/out employment or
graduate school prospects because you could not write your resume?
Have you alienated friends or family because
you are ALWAYS late for everything?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions,
then you might have a problem w/procrastination.
Procrastination, or putting off things that
are in your best interest to do, often seems harmless. We all put off unpleasant tasks, like cleaning out the cat box or doing
the laundry. Procrastination becomes a problem when you or others are hurt by your actions. Turning in papers late & cramming
for tests can lead to bad grades or increased stress.
Putting things off at work may get you fired,
or may result in a poor evaluation. Procrastination almost always leads to unpleasant feelings like guilt, panic, anger at self or others & finally, depression. When you or your reputation are damaged by procrastinating,
you need to stop stalling & start moving.
There are many ways to procrastinate.
Some indulge themselves by doing something
they enjoy, like shopping or playing golf.
Others visit w/friends.
You may daydream or catch up on reading all
those magazines you have been saving.
Some people procrastinate by doing everything
themselves, the hard way.
You may put things off by taking a walk or
a long dinner break.
The things we do when procrastinating are often
pleasant activities, but they lead to negative consequences.
How can you stop procrastinating?
First, try using time management techniques.
Keep a daily time schedule for several days
& analyze where you waste time.
Use a calendar
Make a "To Do" list w/each item prioritized
Set up a reward system for yourself by allowing
yourself something pleasant for each step of a task.
Use the "Swiss Cheese" technique in which you
do any small part of a task to "shoot it full of holes" & eventually complete it.
For example, if you have a long paper, start
by reading an article or doing the title page. Say NO to people or things which may distract you. If you have tried all of
the above & you still find yourself watching a "Beavis & Butthead" episode you have seen 10 times, try the "Do Nothing"
technique. Force yourself to do absolutely nothing, no daydreaming, television, radio, talking or cleaning, NOTHING, until
you get bored & begin working on your task. You may find relief with time management techniques, especially if your procrastinating
is related to a specific situation, such as a doctoral dissertation or class presentation.
However, if simply managing your time more effectively
does not help, you need to look deeper at the roots of your procrastination. If procrastinating is a lifelong habit, friends
& family members, even you yourself, may believe you could change your behavior at any time. Unfortunately, the causes
of serious procrastination are often more complicated than laziness or lack of organization. Some people may procrastinate
because they are afraid of failure, since it is easier to put off work than to think of being criticized or found lacking.
Others are afraid of success, and procrastinating allows them to avoid doing their best. Some procrastinators are rebelling
against someone or something and procrastination helps them regain a sense of power & control over their lives. People
who are perfectionists may find themselves procrastinating because the things they do are never good enough. In general, many
procrastinators find self-doubt & questions about self-worth at the bottom of their delaying tactics.
okay, so living as an adult isn't quite as
easy as you thought it would be. what have you learned about yourself in your struggles? making discoveries & learning
hard truths....
The Problem of Suicide
In 1998, suicide was the 8th leading cause
of death for all Americans, the 3rd leading cause of death for those aged 15-24, & the 2nd
leading killer in the college population.
These statistics demonstrate the seriousness
of suicide, which is often linked to untreated depression. Clinical depression affects more than 19 million adults every
year.
Although women suffer from clinical depression
& attempt suicide more than men, men are more likely to complete the act. Any talk of suicide by a friend or loved
one should be taken seriously & help should be sought immediately.
Symptoms
Depression & thoughts of suicide can
impact a person's life in many different ways. Not everyone experiences depression & suicidal tendencies in the
same way. Some people may have behavioral changes, while others experience physical changes.
Depression & suicide have many common
warning signs including:
Sadness or anxiety
Feelings of guilt, helplessness or hopelessness
Trouble eating or sleeping
Withdrawing from friends &/or social activities
Loss of interest in hobbies, work, school,
etc.
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Anger
Specific signs of potential suicide include:
Talking openly about committing suicide
Talking indirectly about wanting out or "ending
it all"
Taking unnecessary or life-threatening risks
Giving away personal possessions
Depression alone or in combination w/aggressive
behavior, substance abuse &/or anxiety is found in over half of all suicides. If depression is present, substance
abuse, anxiety, impulsivity, rage, hopelessness & desperation may increase the risks of suicide.
Suicide can be also be triggered by a number
of things including:
stressful events, such as a failed exam or
failure to get a job
crises in significant social or family relationships
interpersonal losses
changes in body chemistry
high levels of anger or anxiety
How to help a friend
If you notice any of the above warning signs
in a friend or loved one, you have reason to be concerned. There are ways that you can be helpful to a friend or loved
one who is thinking of taking their own life.
Be honest & express your concerns.
For example, "You seemed really down lately; is something bothering you?"
Ask directly about thoughts of suicide.
For example, "Have you thought of hurting yourself?" If suicidal thoughts are expressed it is important to contact the
university counseling center, student health center or the local mental health association.
Convey the message that depression is real,
common & treatable. Suicidal feelings are real & preventable.
Offer to accompany your friend to see a counselor.
If you or someone you
know is contemplating suicide,
call 1-800-SUICIDE.
family history...
what it could mean to you today....
......been there done that
no kids allowed
wedding bells...
Expectations
Sometimes couples have unrealistic expectations
about what the marriage should provide them. Some of these expectations include emotional support, companionship, & economic
support or assistance. Trying to fulfill these expectations can be overwhelming at times. The difference between the expectation
& the perceived performance can produce disappointment, discouragement, & disillusionment. When our expectations are
not met & we are unhappy, we will likely complain. On the other hand, we may neglect to give positive feedback when our
expectations are met.
Unrealistic expectations, or should be's, can
cause problems. Here are a few examples of potential conflicts:
How the toothpaste should be squeezed
Who should turn off the light at night
Who should earn the living
How the lawn should be kept
Who should manage the money
Who should have responsibility for birth control
In a relationship as close as marriage, we learn
that often our own ideas of what should be are different from our partners ideas. You can avoid some hurt feelings, disappointments,
& misunderstandings if you will remember these points:
Avoid focusing attention on should bes
& focus on what will be best for your particular relationship.
Avoid expecting too much of your mate.
Unrealistic expectations can box people in & make them feel imprisoned.
Realize that some expectations are necessary
& good in a marriage relationship. Decide w/your spouse the expectations you both can agree on & discard the others.
Expect some differences of opinion &
accept them as opportunities for your special relationship to grow. Work out your marriage in ways that suit you both.
Try to talk openly w/each other about your
feelings. Keeping communication open is a key to continued growth in a marriage.
Expressing Your Expectations
This activity can be shared by you & your
spouse. Write 3 expectations that you had of your spouse or your marriage that have already been met. Next, write how these
expectations were met. For example, I expected that when we married you would provide me with companionship. You would do
this by accompanying me to some of my favorite places. You have been great about going with me to some of my favorite places
even though you may not care for them. Together, read your expectations & the different ways they have been met.
Attitudes That Damage Relationships
Other people or situations can determine my
emotions. You alone determine your feelings & reactions. The choice is yours to make. Own your own feelings. Take responsibility
for your attitude & behavior.
My partner should know how I feel & what
I want without always having to share the information.
Profile of a Successful Relationship
Not all marriages are alike. However, researchers
agree there are certain characteristics both spouses share in a healthy marriage. Each person in the relationship...
is a giving person. Each person does for others.
is spiritually strong. Each person has a spiritual
or religious commitment, though not necessarily associated w/an organized church.
is an independent thinker. Each person has
his/her own values & goals.
is committed to the relationship.
is a good communicator. Each person shares
thoughts & feelings w/out being manipulative.
is able to show appreciation & communicate
positively.
possesses a positive outlook on life in general.
is responsive to others, respectful of differences,
& empathetic w/others feelings.
is willing to be flexible, grow, & change.
possesses a healthy sexual attitude. Sex can
play an important role in the relationship.
A healthy relationship continually grows &
changes. However, to maintain a healthy, strong marriage, this growth process requires a deep sense of trust, commitment,
skills, attention, & effort. Spouses in these relationships have made the choice to work at building & maintaining
this type of marriage.
College administrators have been much more focused lately on
underage drinking – but they appear to be losing the battle.
A report issued today by Columbia
University's National Center on Addiction & Substance Abuse, known as CASA, reveals that nearly
1/2 of college students binge drink – that's 4 drinks in a row for women & 5 drinks in
a row for men – or use illegal drugs & a growing number are bingeing more frequently. Meantime, the rate
of prescription drug abuse is surging.
Everyone has felt a little "blue" at times. However, sometimes this temporary "blue" feeling
can develop into a serious depression. Recent studies have shown that depression is a serious problem with college students. During the school year, up to 78% of American students suffer some symptoms of depression. At any one time, roughly one-quarter of the student population is involved. Why are so many students "blue"? How
can they deal or be helped to deal with their depression?
A variety of problems typically contribute to depression among college students. The most common are:
1. Stresses from increased difficulty of college & pressures to make a career choice often leave students thinking that they are missing out on fun or that all their hard work is meaningless.
2. Isolation & loneliness are common when a student leaves his / her support group behind. Formerly, one's family, circle of high school friends & often an intimate boyfriend or girlfriend could be counted on for support & encouragement.
3. Problems with studying or grades frequently trigger depression. Many students enter college with high aspirations & little previous experience with academic failure. At the same time, many lack the basic skills necessary for academic success.
4. Breakup of an intimate relationship is another common cause of depression. It may be a breakup with a high school sweetheart or a newly found college romance.
Most of us know when we are "down." How can we tell if the depression is more serious? Psychologist Aaron Beck (a nationally recognized authority on depression) suggests that you should assume that a serious problem exists when the following 5
conditions apply.
If you have a serious depression, how can you deal with it? Psychologists Beck & Greenberg suggest that you make a daily schedule for yourself.
Try to schedule activities to fill up every hour in the day. It's best to start with easy activities
& progress to more difficult tasks. In this way, you begin to break the cycle of feeling helpless & falling further behind. (In contrast, depressed students spend most of their time sleeping.) A series of small accomplishments, successes or pleasures may be all you need to get going again.
However, if you lack skills for success in college, ask for help. In college, this can be done by talking to a counselor or teacher whom you trust, getting a tutor for problem courses or both of these. Don't remain "helpless."
After you've collected these thoughts, write a rational answer for each. For example, the thought, "No one loves me," can be answered with a list of people who care about you.
The most serious depressions can lead to suicide or major impairment of emotional functioning. A person who is seriously depressed may not be able to use the methods mentioned above. That person might needprofessional help. The National Association for Mental Health has compiled a list of 10 danger signs to identify
a depression that requires professional help.
are you planning on working for minimum wage?
do you have any life plans or goals? are you following in someone's footsteps by not choosing to continue your education?
let's look at this prospect & examine what
can happen for those who choose not to go to college.
the strong relationship between literacy &
poverty
40 million adults are on the low end (between 1-2 NALS) of the literacy scale in the US
Someone in level 1 on the NALS is 11 times more
likely to be living in poverty than someone in level 5
The kinds of jobs that people at levels 1 and
2 get have a relatively flat earning potential.
Who is Most Likely To Be Uninsured?
The vast majority
of Americans who lack health coverage of any kind work but can't afford to purchase insurance thru their jobs or on their
own. There are many ways to join the ranks of the uninsured but the kind of job a person has is the key factor in determining
insurance status. Most likely to be uninsured are people who:
The study is based on
3 years of in-depth interviews with 154 poor & working-class men & women whose voices
represent millions of others in the same predicament, the researchers say. Subjects were aged 23-35 & living in Buffalo
& Jersey City, N.J. Both cities suffered the loss of industry over the past few decades & continue to endure high
levels of unemployment & poverty.
The sample was separated
into white, Latino & black subsamples & into male & female subsections. Several chapters address issues specific
to each gender/racial group, regardless of city. Interviews covered subjects ranging from desire to work & employment experience to family life, value systems, child care, domestic abuse, dealings w/welfare workers & police & a discussion of the portrait of this group presented by media, from news to
entertainment programs.
During the interviews,
subjects spoke directly to the changes in their homes & lives during the past 2 decades of changes in economic & public
policy. They described an increase in poverty, despair, hunger, domestic violence, sickness, ruined communities, alienation, & economic & social marginalization.
"These are the Americans whom conservatives would tell to 'go out & get a job,'" said Weis. "What we found,
however, is that these young adults not only want to work, but many of them do work long
& hard hours in a struggle to overcome poverty & better their lives.
"We may prefer
to see these people as irresponsible social & educational dropouts who make up a relatively unimportant segment of the society & the economy," Weis added,
"but we are wrong. They are, by & large, not irresponsible, but desperate. Their numbers are legion. And they are sinking fast."
"Every day,"
the authors write, "these people suffer losses that are unimaginable to most of us-the loss of community, family, self-esteem & economic stability. Still, they struggle to overcome the odds & find a place in American life. That struggle is
their strength. It is America's strength as well."
Dysthymic disorder often begins in childhood,
adolescence, or early adulthood.
choosing the military...
what is your reasoning behind
choosing the military?
are you in love with each other?
did you plan to get pregnant?
are you prepared to be parents? can you make enough money
to support yourselves?
playing house can be dangerous if you are doing it for the
wrong reasons.... let's take a look at where you are now & where you might be going....
what are the odds?
Panic disorder typically develops in
late adolescence or early adulthood.
odds are:
if you grew up in a single parent
household some researchers believe that:
you are at higher risk than those who lived in a two parent environment
- of developing a problem w/alcohol or drugs
if you are a woman - you are at an even greater risk
you are more prone to problems w/resisting delinquency
more apt to develop headaches, aches & pains, dizziness, difficulties
falling asleep, heartburn, irregular bowel function & an overall general feeling of general physical illness than those
who were raised in a two parent environment
coming from a single parent environment or experiencing a loss of a parent
in some way as a child, can increase your odds or risk in developing mental illnesses in your adult years (depression)
Children who experience
divorce while growing up tend to report a comparatively low level of psychological well-being in adulthood. Parent-child relationships
mediate most of the associations between parents marital discord & divorce & children's subsequent psychological outcomes.
Chronic marital discord between continuously married parents appears to be as detrimental as divorce.
Previous research has found that adults who recall a high level of conflict between parents
while growing up tend to report a disproportionately large number of psychological & marital problems in their own lives.
Parents' marital problems
weaken the emotional bonds between parents & children in adulthood. Weak parent-child bonds place adult offspring at risk
for distress, low self-esteem, & general unhappiness. Relatively little parental support in early adulthood can maintain
or amplify earlier levels of distress.
Poor mental health and
low self-esteem are important concerns for youth and young adults. At this age, these problems often result from:
Physical,
sexual, or emotional abuse
Under-developed
or dysfunctional family & social supports
Conflicting
values, beliefs & sense of identity in the family or community because of cultural change
Undetected
disabilities such as learning disabilities, hearing problems or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Effects.
There are many college students out there struggling to make
it in college. With the odds stacked against some - there must be education about what those young adults can be facing &
the ability to prepare, thwart & beat the odds to become a successful college student & a happier person.
Scientists supported by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
& the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) have documented that chronic cigarette smoking during adolescence may increase
the likelihood that these teens will develop a variety of anxiety disorders in early adulthood. These disorders include generalized
anxiety disorder, panic disorder & agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces.
against all odds......
Young adults have a rough road
ahead of them to counter balance the affects of their childhood and teen years. Many are fighting against all odds to maintain
well being, both physically and mentally.
Young adults who score
high on a test of hostility are more likely to have calcium deposits in their heart arteries, and that's a potential sign of early heart disease, a study
in this week's issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association reports.
"Unfortunately, hostility
is a trait that's very resistant to change," Kop says. "It's necessary to alter the person's coping strategy, not attempt
to change the trait itself. We've had success with behavioral medicine interventions, in addition to relaxation training."
the "real" real world.....
It's in the News.....
Yes, we do have a "News Page" with recent news stories for you to access, but instead
of having an "archive" with older articles, we're posting them - by subject - on each individual page. Look for It's in the
News.... on each page, right hand column at the end of the page! Who knows... you may find articles about what's been bothering
you!
It's in the News at Intelihealth.com
Fight The Freshmen 15: If your children come home from college larger than when they left, share these tips for controlling freshmen weight gain.
Your turn...
tell me what's really got you down, &
see if we can help.....
send an e-mail here by clicking the link & share your major life
crisis, stumbling block or life detour -
Revised by Louise E. Davis, Ph.D., Child & Family Development
Specialist. Adapted from Choice Not Chance: Enhancing Your Marital Relationship. Ohio State University Extension Service,
1992.
Information Sheet 1309 Extension Service of Mississippi State University,
cooperating with U.S. Department of Agriculture. Published in furtherance of Acts of Congress, May 8 and June 30, 1914. Ronald A. Brown, Director
Click here to visit the Red Cross page that allows you to access your local chapter of the Red Cross by entering your zip code in the
specified box, to see how you can help in your area. You can also call your local Red Cross Chapter that you can find the
number for online or in your local phone book to volunteer for any openings that may need to be filled or you can find another way to help others there as well!
you've been visiting anxieties 101...
please have a great day & take a few minutes to explore some of the other sites in the emotional feelings network of sites! explore the unresolved emotions & feelings that may
be the cause of some of your pain & hurt... be curious & open to new possibilities! thanks again for visiting at anxieties
101!
