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welcome! to anxieties 101!
after looking things over here at anxieties 101,
try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i
just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
 
Making the site work best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you've reached
not only, "anxieties 101," but the emotional feelings network
of sites. There are many sites included within the network that will be visited by clicking on these underlined link
words. They're all linked together thru the underlined link words to offer the opportunity for a more thorough understanding
of whatever problem you're investigating!
The reason for this opportunity
is very simple & yet you may be unnerved by all those underlined words! I've been in recovery from post traumatic stress disorder, depression & many other dysfunctional ventures & thru it all I've discovered that emotion & feeling
work may be the missing link that many people miss when trying to find solutions to their problems.
Developing a sense of curiosity about why you feel the way you do, is essential in finding the solution you so desperately are searching for. If you
can't find what you came here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking here & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling & click on the
site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout
the years!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
it's new! at in
the news....
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What you may or may not be aware of is this:
Children in the early years, from birth, are
learning how to respond, react & cope with emotions & feelings. Every interaction with your very small child is a learning experience that is teaching your child how to develop into the
person they'll be as an adult.
It's very hard for adults to remember back into their childhood years to remember what they were afraid of, what made them nervous or what they worried about, if they got over it ever.....
Some adults
have the same fears they had when they were children except sometimes they are even more afraid than when they were children.
But adults
do get all wrapped up in their own adult world, with severe stress, anxiety or depression & sometimes-addictive behaviors or negative coping skills.
Sometimes they
fail to realize the stressors that surround their children.
Sometimes, parents try too hard to be good parents & they:
Parents don't
seem to realize that they're stifling individuality, independence, creativity & healthy senses of self esteem by parenting like this!
Be honest with your own self evaluation concerning your
parenting skills!
click the above underlined link to visit the "parenting skills" page!
go there now & learn just one thing new today, then come back tomorrow to learn something else!
it's easier that way!
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Read over the following life
stressor situations that may affect children:
- evaluate your child's emotions & feelings as well as your own
- are you experiencing relationship problems with your partner
or spouse?
- what kind of role model are you providing your child?
Look over the
following situations, read more about how the anxiety disorders affect children, then take
action!
Educate yourself
about your parenting skills! Take your child for a physical examiniation & voice your
concerns to your primary care provider!
Ask for a mental
health referral if there's no physical illness found in the doctor's examination that could be producing the symptoms!
Visit your child's
teacher & school - build a strong partner relationship with the teacher to support your child to the best of your ability!
It's your responsibility as the parent to be sure that your child's school administration is "held accountable" for their responsibility in making school a safe place for your child!
Look for opportunities for counseling at your child's school if you are unable to provide counseling yourself because you're uninsured!
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Recognizing that there's something that isn't quite right about your child is how you can begin to find solutions. Take some time
to concentrate on your child & understand how they're feeling.
Life stressors that can negatively affect children:
Life Stressor #1:
Starting school, transitioning of grades in school, problems in school
A child experiencing
more than just "school jitters" usually refuses to go to school on a regular basis, or has
problems staying in school once there. This shouldn't be confused with truant children who avoid school because of antisocial behavior or delinquency.
"School Refusal/Avoidance"
School refusal is often a symptom of a deeper problem & if not treated can have a negative impact on socialization skills, self-confidence, coping skills & their education.
"Anxiety-based school refusal affects 2-5% of school-age children."
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It's common at times of transition, graduating
from elementary school to middle school & from middle school to high school. Anxieties tend to differ among age groups, but the most common stressors are:
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Problems Could Occur w/Schoolwork
Children with Separation Anxiety Disorder sometimes have problems with their schoolwork which is escalated by
their disorder. Usually children with Separation Anxiety Disorder are very bright. The following
could be problems your child is faced with & doesn't know how to cope with or express their frustrations about:
- The work is too
easy so he or she gets bored
- The work is
too hard & the child doesn't feel as smart as the other kids
- Reading may be
difficult for your child, but there are high expectations to read a lot
- Your child may
be getting farther & farther behind & it may seem to he or she that catching up is impossible
Finding out exactly
what is troubling your child is very important to be able to learn to cope with the problems. Disliking school is sometimes because of a problem with people. Maybe
a bully is bothering your child.
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Shyness
Guiding the Way to Social Skills
Just as some kids seem born to be wild, others are born to be shy.
"Shyness is often a symptom of a cautious temperament, which is hereditary, like blue eyes & curly hair,"
says
Jerome Kagan, Ph.D., a leading shyness researcher & professor of psychology at Harvard Univ. in Cambridge, MA.
"Unless shyness is interfering with your child's life, don't think of it as a problem," says Dr. Kagan. ''Many children outgrow their shyness as they have more social experiences.
...You don't want your child to believe you're disappointed in him.''
But what if shyness has grown to the point where your child is:
- having trouble making friends
- is turning down invitations to classmates'
parties
- never volunteers in class
Then his
shyness is a problem that can result in both academic problems & an unhappy social life.
''Shy kids have a hard time asking for help,''
says Lynne Henderson, Ph.D., director of the Palo Alto
Shyness Clinic in Menlo Park, California. ''A study of college students found that the shy ones were less likely than their non-shy peers to seek information or use the career placement service.
...They had a disadvantage
that was handicapping their careers.''
The experts
agree: If your child's shyness is a real problem, the best time to start intervening is as early as possible. Here are some helpful techniques they recommend.
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Consider this information
if shyness has interrupted your child's lifestyle...
Don't put a label on it. ''If you label
a child as shy, you only see his shy behavior & tune out
what isn't shy,'' says Dr. Henderson.
That affects
the child's behavior & also affects your perception of him, she notes. Instead, point out the child's strengths, says
Dr. Henderson. ''Focus on the times when a child is being more social, rather than when he's being shy.''
Also, use
some descriptive words that accentuate the strong points of his behavior, she suggests.
For example, a shy person might be better described as cautious, careful or a deep thinker.
Ask for his feelings. Rather than scolding a child for being shy, reflect back to him in a neutral
way what he may be feeling, suggests Dr. Henderson. ''If he's hiding behind your leg instead of playing with his friends, say, 'It seems
like you're not sure you want to play right now.' Something like this might be an accurate reflection of the child's experience
but not a negative label,'' says Dr. Henderson.
Create
safe social encounters. Allow the child to invite a schoolmate
over after school. Or let him pay a visit to the home of a child he seems to like. ''The more comfortable social experiences shy children have, the less anxious they become,'' says Dr. Kagan.
Be sociable yourself. "When your child
is little, work on having people in the home,'' says Dr. Henderson. Invite friends for a weekend barbecue or a games night.
Have another parent & her child over for lunch. ''This is often difficult in homes where both parents work, but a shy child needs to get used to an environment with other people in it, so it doesn't seem so frightening.''
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Stay on standby with your child. For a shy child, large gatherings can be terrifying.
''Don't just walk into a room full of people
& leave the child standing there,''
says Dr. Henderson. ''Hold
onto the child's hand until she gets established. Wait for her to let go.''
Dr. Henderson recommends
that you walk over to another child or a group of children & start talking to them until the child starts talking, too.
''A shy child needs to feel secure & to know you're there if she needs you,'' he notes.
Encourage your child to talk at home. Establish a daily "good news" time. At dinner or bedtime, allow your
child to share some good news of the day, suggests Dr. Henderson.
"Listen in a nonjudgmental way to what he describes as the high point of his day & then acknowledge his feelings. You might ask what he enjoyed about the experience, but don't load him up with praise."
This isn't a chance to give him an 'A' but a chance to share himself," says Dr. Henderson. "Being
listened to & acknowledged with respect helps build self-confidence."
Follow the child's lead. Don't force
your child into situations, says Dr. Kagan. Instead, listen carefully to what he says so you can help steer him toward activities & people he's shown an interest in.
"You're trying for gentle desensitization & that only works if the child is doing something he really wants to do."
Add the spice of variety. You never know what activity can spark the interest of a shy child. So be sure to explore the variety of activities available in your community, from swimming lessons to children's theater,
suggests Dr. Henderson. This will help you & your child learn where his interests lie.
"It's like food. You provide all the basic food groups & the child then can pick & choose."
Enlist the help of a teacher. A receptive,
empathetic teacher can help lure your shy child out of the corner into the thick of things or pair him with a friendly classmate who is more outgoing, notes Dr. Henderson.
Be sure to let the teacher know you're trying to find activities that will help your child feel good about himself. And show your appreciation for the teacher's help. "If you're really appreciative to a teacher who looks out for your child, she'll
do more of it," says Dr. Henderson.
Have a dress rehearsal. Novel situations are
a nightmare for shy people, because they generally tend to overestimate danger, says Byron Egeland, Ph.D, professor of child development in the
Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.
If your child is going to
a party, starting in a new classroom or moving to a new neighborhood, talk about what's going to happen & go over some
of the things he may see, hear or do, recommends Dr. Egeland. If possible, visit the new neighborhood or school w/your child,
talk to his new teachers & also have him meet the other children.
"The more you can familiarize your child with a new situation, the less there is to fear,"
Stay cool, calm & casual. Even if you
feel anxiety about a new situation, don't reveal that to your shy child when preparing him for new situations, suggests Dr. Kagan. "Many parents who were shy themselves are really worried their child will relive their unhappiness. They can get so tense that their anxiety is communicated to the child," he notes.
Share your experiences. Since 93% of the population acknowledges feeling shy at least once in a while, you no doubt have a story or 2 to tell about your insecurities. And those stories help a shy child to feel more confident in similar situations.
"Everybody feels shy sometimes. It's the human state," says Dr. Henderson. Share the ways you overcame your insecurities, she says. "Children need to see that this is just part of the everyday human struggle & that you can cope."
Don't demand perfection. "One of the problems we
frequently have to work on in the shyness clinic is the belief that being good socially somehow means being perfect all the time," says Dr. Henderson.
Shy children need to find out that they can make friends without being perfect.
"People think they need to act like movie stars," he notes.
''But kids need to know that being
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