An Invitation to Really Get to Know your Child

Anxieties 101 is very concerned about the children of the world and their unheard voices....

Parents must learn how to: 

• Recognize the symptoms of mental illness in your children

• What to do once you think there may be a problem

• How to be sure that you child has a good sense of self esteem

• Parent a mentally and physically healthy child

Confidence grows in a home that is full of unconditional love and affection.

What emotions and feelings are you expressing to your child?

Are you modeling positive and healthy coping skills for your child to observe? Do you identify what you're feeling to your children?

What emotions and feelings are your children expressing at school? at home? with other kids? How much time are you spending teaching your child how to identify their emotions and cope in a healthy manner with negative or uncomfortable emotions?

It's very hard for adults to remember back into their childhood years to remember what they were afraid of, what made them nervous or what they worried about, if they got over it ever..... 

Some adults have the same fears they had when they were children except sometimes they are even more afraid than when they were children.

But adults do get all wrapped up in their own adult world, with severe stress, anxiety or depression & sometimes-addictive behaviors or negative coping skills.

Sometimes they fail to realize the stressors that surround their children.

Sometimes, parents try too hard to be good parents & they:

• over protect their children

• dote heavily over them

• demand too much of them 

• parent their children with other extreme measures

• place a large amount of stress on their children

Parents don't seem to realize that they're stifling individuality, independence, creativity & healthy senses of self esteem by parenting like this!

Be honest with your own self evaluation concerning your

parenting skills!

click the above underlined link to visit the "parenting skills" page! go there now & learn just one thing new today, then come back tomorrow to learn something else!

it's easier that way!

Recognizing that there's something that isn't quite right about your child is how you can begin to find solutions. Take some time to concentrate on your child & understand how they're feeling.

Life stressors that can negatively affect children:

• Separation anxiety
• Concerns about academic performance
• Anxieties about making friends
• Fear of a teacher or bully

Problems Could Occur with Schoolwork

Children with Separation Anxiety Disorder sometimes have problems with their schoolwork which is escalated by their disorder. Usually children with Separation Anxiety Disorder are very bright. The following could be problems your child is faced with and doesn't know how to cope with or express their frustrations about:

• The work is too easy so he or she gets bored
• The work is too hard and the child doesn't feel as smart as the other kids
• Reading may be difficult for your child, but there are high expectations to read a lot
• Your child may be getting farther and farther behind and it may seem to he or she that catching up is impossible

Finding out exactly what is troubling your child is very important to be able to learn to cope with the problems. Disliking school is sometimes because of a problem with people. Maybe a bully is bothering your child.

''Shy kids have a hard time asking for help,''

says Lynne Henderson, Ph.D., director of the Palo Alto Shyness Clinic in Menlo Park, California. ''A study of college students found that the shy ones were less likely than their non-shy peers to seek information or use the career placement service.

...They had a disadvantage that was handicapping their careers.''

The experts agree: If your child's shyness is a real problem, the best time to start intervening is as early as possible. Here are some helpful techniques they recommend.

Ask for his feelings. Rather than scolding a child for being shy, reflect back to him in a neutral way what he may be feeling, suggests Dr. Henderson. ''If he's hiding behind your leg instead of playing with his friends, say, 'It seems like you're not sure you want to play right now.' Something like this might be an accurate reflection of the child's experience but not a negative label,'' says Dr. Henderson.

Create safe social encounters. Allow the child to invite a schoolmate over after school. Or let him pay a visit to the home of a child he seems to like. ''The more comfortable social experiences shy children have, the less anxious they become,'' says Dr. Kagan.

Be sociable yourself. "When your child is little, work on having people in the home,'' says Dr. Henderson. Invite friends for a weekend barbecue or a games night. Have another parent & her child over for lunch. ''This is often difficult in homes where both parents work, but a shy child needs to get used to an environment with other people in it, so it doesn't seem so frightening.''

Stay on standby with your child. For a shy child, large gatherings can be terrifying.

''Don't just walk into a room full of people & leave the child standing there,''

says Dr. Henderson. ''Hold onto the child's hand until she gets established. Wait for her to let go.''

Dr. Henderson recommends that you walk over to another child or a group of children & start talking to them until the child starts talking, too.

''A shy child needs to feel secure & to know you're there if she needs you,'' he notes.

"It's like food. You provide all the basic food groups & the child then can pick & choose."

About Bullies 

(click the underlined link for more info)

Children who are being intimidated, threatened, or harmed by bullies are often already experiencing either:

• a sense of low self esteem
• separation anxiety
• regular anxiety 
• depression

Those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more serious antisocial behaviors as adolescents and adults.

Bullies often have been the victims of bullying or other mistreatment themselves. It's important as the parent to understand all of these factors when dealing with your child.

Bullying happens quite often in schools.

Bullying can be extremely traumatic for your child.

Look at the different type of bullying so you can have an idea as what to ask your child if they're being bullied. It's very important to find out specifically what's upsetting your child.

Understanding Bullies and Being Bullied.....

Bullying behavior isn't always easy to define. Where do you have to draw the line between kids goofing around and being bullied?

Hostility and aggression directed at a victim who's physically or emotionally weaker than the bully are more obvious signs of bullying. The result of this behavior is pain and distress for the victim.

Bullying behavior comes in various forms:

Bullies pick these children because they know that they'll not fight back.

Signs to look for if you think your child is being bullied:

• Stomachaches to avoid going to school

It's estimated that over 2 million children in the US alone, or slightly more than 3%, experience the death of a parent before the age of 18. 1

Almost 3/4 of these are anticipated.

The percentage is much higher when the statistics include experiences children usually have, such as death of grandparents, relatives, siblings, classmates & pets.

With tragedy occurring throughout the world, children are also exposed to loss of life many times over before they become adults. Thus it isn't possible to shield children or protect them from this reality, nor should adults try.

We have come to realize that in fact children do grieve & they can be helped w/the grieving process.

Types of loss

The actual physical loss of a person is the primary loss experienced by the child. The meaning of the individual for the child will be felt in countless ways throughout the child's life.

However, death is more than loss of the individual's physical presence. Secondary losses or changes impact the child in significant ways.

These include:

• Loss and change of self: Individuals are defined in many different ways. One's identity, self-confidence, sense and understanding of physical health, one's personality and one's role in the family can be changed by a death.
• Loss and change of security: One's sense of emotional and physical safety is often shaken. A change in financial security and lifestyle may accompany and add to aspects of one's life affected by the loss.
• Loss and change of meaning: A restructuring and re-evaluation of goals and dreams isn't uncommon. Children and teens may re-examine and question their faith and even the desire to live and the ability to regain a sense of joy.

Children & divorce

With the current divorce rate is calculated to be between 40 & 60% for those recently married & up to 10% higher for remarriages; the majority of divorces involve children under the age of 18.

With divorce there are adjustments & challenges w/a large majority of the children dealing w/the transition as best they can to become competent adults.

However, up to 1/4 of children whose parents divorce experience ongoing emotional & behavior difficulties (as compared to 10% of children whose parents don't divorce).

About 1/3 of parents have difficulty in establishing a workable parenting relationship, even years after the divorce. Parental conflicts hurt the children & cause them problems in the adjustment period of the divorce. Take a look at these suggestions & keep them in mind when you are dealing w/children & divorce.

When to seek help....

If your child begins to:

Act younger than their chronological age

FYI: You can check out this article... it may open your eyes! The affects of Fatherlessness on Children

Although the term "depression" can describe a normal human emotion, it also can refer to a psychiatric disorder. Depressive illness in children & adolescents includes a cluster of symptoms, which have been present for at least 2 weeks.

In addition to feelings of sadness &/or irritability, a depressive illness includes several of the following:

• Change of appetite with either significant weight loss (when not dieting) or weight gain

• Change in sleeping patterns (such as trouble falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much)

• Loss of interest in activities formerly enjoyed

• Isolation from family & friends

• Loss of energy, fatigue, feeling slowed down for no reason, "burned out"

• Feelings of Guilt & self blame for things that aren't one's fault

• Inability to concentrate & indecisiveness

• Feelings of hopelessness & helplessness

• Dizziness, Apathy & Social Withdrawal

• Recurring thoughts of death & suicide, wishing to die, or attempting suicide

• Drug abuse or alcohol use, a drop in school performance, difficulty in concentrating

Children & adolescents with depression may also have symptoms of:

• Irritability, grumpiness & boredom

• They may have vague, non-specific physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches, etc.).

• There's an increased incidence of depressive illness in the children of parents with significant depression.

Depression Symptoms in Pre-Teens & Teens

• Excessive Guilt

• Irritability

• Grouchiness

• Inability to enjoy activities that were previously deemed "favorites"

• Low Self Esteem

• Sulking

• Complaints of "Not being Understood"

• The use of phrases like, "Nothing matters anymore" "What Difference does it Make"

• Trouble in School

• Declining Grades

• Isolation from Friends

• Poor Concentration

• The Giving away of Possessions

• The loss of a friend or loved one

Video Games Are Too Violent, Mental Health Experts Say

What do I do if I think someone is abusing a child? (from childhelp.org)

Benj Vardigan
CONSUMER HEALTH INTERACTIVE

AHealthyMe.com

 

You've no doubt heard the adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" Well it's not true. Name-calling hurts -- especially when the person doing it is a parent, a teacher, or a coach. Hollering and flashing your temper might strike you as a natural and effective form of discipline if you were brought up with it.

But for children it may cause emotional trauma that results in long-lasting harm.

Among other things, verbal abuse can undermine your child's self-esteem, damage his ability to trust and form relationships, and chip away at his academic and social skills.

In fact, current research shows that verbal abuse of children can be just as destructive emotionally as physical and sexual abuse and puts them in as much risk for depression and anxiety.

What is verbal abuse?

You may be verbally abusing your child if you are doing any of the following:

Name-calling, belittling, swearing, insulting. ("You are stupid." "You're a rotten kid.") Indirect criticism, such as disparaging your child to your spouse, also hurts. Just because you're not berating your child directly doesn't mean he doesn't hear it and feel the sting.

Rejecting or threatening with abandonment. ("I wish you'd never been born." "I should put you up for adoption.") This kind of verbal abuse creates a sense that your child doesn't belong -- and isn't wanted -- in the family.

Threatening bodily harm. Studies have linked verbal aggression and physical aggression: A 1989 Harvard study found, i.e., that "parents who yell frequently are the ones most likely to hit frequently, and vice versa." Even if you don't act on violent threats, they may make your child fear you and distrust you.

Scapegoating or blaming. ("You're the reason this family is such a mess." "If I didn't have to take care of you, I could have a better life." "If you weren't so clumsy, your sister wouldn't have gotten hurt.") Your child will think he's a bad person who deserves to be unhappy.

Using sarcasm. Making a mocking remark, such as "Now that was smart" when he spills grape juice on the rug, might seem like a way to avoid direct criticism, but your child is perceptive enough to understand that you're demeaning him.

Berating your spouse. A study at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, determined that children who see their parents verbally abusing each other are more likely to be depressed or anxious, and to experience more interpersonal problems of their own. Interestingly, the study also found that verbal aggression between parents was more traumatic to children than physical violence between parents.

How common is verbal abuse?

Reports are mixed. A study at the University of New Hampshire found that 63% of more than 3,000 American parents surveyed reported one or more cases of verbal aggression toward children in their homes.

However, a Child Protective Services study determined that only 6% of all child abuse cases involved "emotional maltreatment" (of which verbal abuse is the most common form). The fact that signs of verbal abuse are harder to recognize and prove than signs of physical abuse may account for the seemingly low number of "official" verbal abuse cases.

What are signs that a child is suffering from verbal abuse?

•Negative self-image. This is the most common and pervasive effect of verbal abuse. Your child may say things like, "I'm stupid," or, "Nobody likes me." Or he may simply seem withdrawn, sullen, or depressed, all of which can be signs of a poor self-image. In defining emotional abuse, the National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse says that it "attacks a child's... sense of self-worth."

•Self-destructive acts. "Cutting" (using razor blades or knives to cut his own skin) and all forms of self-injury signal a problem, as do other reckless activities that put your child in danger.

•Antisocial behavior. The New Hampshire study found that verbally abused children demonstrated higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and interpersonal problems. Your child may hit other children, frequently quarrel with his classmates, or be cruel to (or even torture) animals.

•Delayed development. The slowdown may appear in your child's physical, social, academic, or emotional development. He may have difficulty making friends, fall behind in school, or engage in regressive acts such as rocking, bed-wetting, and thumb-sucking.

Does verbal abuse do any long-term harm?

Yes. Research shows that abused children are more likely to:

•become victims of abuse later in life

•become depressed and self-destructive later in life

•develop anxiety

Why can't I seem to control my temper?

Most parents at some time find themselves feeling frustrated and angry with their children. This is normal. Occasionally they say things they regret -- to their children, their spouses, or their friends.

This, too, is normal. But if you find that you are routinely having angry outbursts or that whenever you're frustrated you lash out at those around you in the ways described above -- then you need to get help. (Please keep in mind that if you feel overwhelmed by your anger, you may want to consider getting help from a counselor, psychotherapist, or mental health professional trained in anger management.) Meanwhile, here are some ways to begin helping yourself.

To start getting a handle on your outbursts, try to understand the reasons behind your behavior. The following are some of the more common explanations for verbally abusive behavior:

•a failure to understand that there are other ways to discipline and communicate with your child

•the belief that verbal abuse is necessary as a form of "tough love"

•an inability to control strong emotions

•a history of verbal abuse by parents, teachers, and other adults

What can I do to avoid verbally abusing my child?

In moments of stress and anger, try to refrain from saying anything mean or sarcastic to your child. Remember, you're his main and most important role model. If you tend to fall apart, lose your cool, and act abusively at challenging times, you'll likely raise a child who does the same.

Here are some ways you can calm yourself down:

•Take a "time-out." This method works as well for adults as it does for kids. If your child can be left alone, go to another room. If he's too young for that, try walking to the other end of the room. Then take a few slow, deep breaths, seeking to let go of the situation emotionally. Wait 5 minutes (or more if you need it) before talking to your child.

•Share your feelings of resentment or anger with your spouse or a friend. Be sure to do this in private, where your child won't hear you and feel wounded by your words.

•Try to deal only with the present rather than letting all the stressful incidents that have "piled up" overcome your emotions.

In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends using what it calls the RETHINK method to bring your feelings under control. RETHINK stands for:

•Recognize your feelings.

•Empathize with your child.

•Think of the situation differently. (Try using humor.)

•Hear what your child is saying.

•Integrate your love with your angry thoughts.

•Notice your body's reactions to feeling anger and to calming down.

•Keep your attention on the present problem.

A study at Colorado State University found that parents who participated in a 6-week workshop based on this method became more effective at managing their anger.

What can I do to prevent someone else from verbally abusing my child or another child?

Always be aware of other influences on your child. Just because you have your temper under control doesn't mean that all the other adults in your child's life do.

Teachers, coaches, babysitters, siblings, older siblings of friends, and even other children's parents can harm your child by demeaning or humiliating him.

Make a point of asking your child about his relationships with other adults. Of course, he might not tell you if someone is verbally abusing him -- he might not even realize it. So you'll want to be on the lookout for signs of emotional turmoil:

• Nightmares
• bed-wetting
• school phobia
• other signs of excessive anxiety

may be part of the "code" you'll have to crack in order to figure out what's troubling your child.

If you feel that another adult is abusing your child or his or her own child, you can call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hot Line at (800) 422-4453, for advice. If you're certain of the problem, contact your local Child Protective Services (CPS) agency to report it.

CPS professionals will evaluate the report, and if they deem it necessary, they will send someone out to talk with the alleged abuser. CPS will keep your report confidential, although you can make an anonymous report if you prefer. (But keep in mind that bogus anonymous reports are, unfortunately, quite common.)

Sometimes a family counselor or psychologist can assess your child for signs of verbal abuse. If you think the abuse is occurring at school, be sure to take your child to be evaluated by someone independent of the school.

Oftentimes your family doctor or pediatrician can help you with a referral. Do whatever is necessary to get your child away from the abuser -- if a PE coach is taunting him, i.e., ask that he be placed in a different class.

And be sure to make your concerns known to the principal, director, league officials, and so on.

What if I see a stranger verbally abusing a child in the supermarket or at the park?

Confronting a total stranger about parenting techniques is a very touchy endeavor. There are many different ways of parenting, and an approach that seems abusive to you may not be seen in the same light by others.

Be aware, too, that confronting a parent in an accusatory manner is liable to make her defensive and possibly more angry than she already is.

However, if you feel strongly that the parent is harming her child, and you need to say something, it's best to take a subtle, even empathetic approach rather than delivering a challenge. Many child advocates believe that in a public setting distracting the "abuser" will at least partly defuse the immediate situation for the child in danger.

Don't try to teach the parent, coach, or teacher how they "should" behave. Saying something like, "It's hard to know what to do, isn't it?" might be a good way to get the parent to step back and rethink her behavior, or at least calm down.

Remember, you just want to shift the focus off the child. Although some people may feel that distracting the adult from taking her anger out on the child seems to condone such behavior, it's only an attempt to ease the turbulence of the moment.

After all, a long-term solution is just not possible when you're dealing with a complete stranger in the middle of a grocery store.

-- Benj Vardigan is a senior editor for Consumer Health Interactive and the winner of an Outstanding Young Journalist award from the Northern California chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists.

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what is emotional abuse?

There is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. The following are widely recognized as forms of emotional abuse:

rejecting:  refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings.

Example: repeatedly treating a child differently from siblings in a way that suggests resentment, rejection or dislike for the child.

degrading:  insulting, ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantalizing; behavior which diminishes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the person.

Examples: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labeling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a senior as if she or he cannot make decisions.

terrorizing: inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment.

Examples: forcing a child to watch violent acts toward other family members or pets; threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she / he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions; threatening to have a person deported or put in an institution; stalking.

isolating: physical confinement; restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment.

Examples: excluding a senior from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a child in a closet or room alone; refusing a female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandchildren; depriving a person of mobility aids or transportation.

corrupting/exploiting: socializing a person into accepting ideas or behavior which oppose legal standards; using a person for advantage or profit; training a child to serve the interests of the abuser and not of the child.

Examples: child sexual abuse; permitting a child to use alcohol or drugs or see pornography; enticing a person into the sex trade.

denying emotional responsiveness: failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs.

Examples: ignoring a child's attempt to interact; failing to show affection, caring and / or love for a child; treating a senior who lives in an institution as though she / he is an object or "a job to be done."

Emotional abuse accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own;

No abuse - neglect, physical, sexual or financial - can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse;

Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse; 

Like other forms of violence in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, i.e., women and children, are most often emotionally abused;

Emotional abuse can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception;

In children, emotional abuse can impair psychological development, including:

• intelligence
• memory
• recognition
• perception
• attention
• imagination 
• moral development

Emotional abuse can also affect a child's social development and may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions.

how widespread is emotional abuse?

Only a few studies provide insight about the prevalence of emotional abuse in Canada. Emotional abuse is difficult to research because:

• Its effects have only recently been recognized;
• There are no consistent definitions and it is hard to define;
• It is difficult to detect, assess and substantiate; and
• Many cases of emotional abuse go unreported.

A recent study of Ontario investigations into child maltreatment found that, in 1993, 10% of investigations alleged emotional abuse.

In 1993, 39% of women in abusive relationships reported that their children saw them being assaulted.

In 1995, the Canadian Women's Health Test found that of 1000 women 15 years of age or over:

- 36% had experienced emotional abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or teenagers; and

- 39% reported experiencing verbal/emotional abuse in a relationship within the last 5 years.

Statistics

 

Canada's 1993 Violence Against Women Survey showed that among ever-married or common-law Canadian women aged 18 to 65 years, emotional abuse is widespread. The study found that:

- 35% of all women surveyed reported that their spouse was emotionally abusive.

- 18% of women reported experiencing emotional abuse but not physical abuse in a relationship.

- 77% of women reported emotional abuse in combination with physical abuse. In one Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships, 81% of male respondents reported that they had psychologically abused a female partner.

In 1995, a study of seniors' client records from various agencies across Canada found that psychological abuse was the most prevalent form of abuse. The 1990 National Survey on Abuse of the Elderly in Canada estimated that:

- 4% of seniors residing in private homes reported experiencing abuse and/or neglect;

- Questions about insults, swearing and threats were asked as a measure of chronic verbal aggression. The study showed that 1.4% of seniors experienced these forms of emotional abuse in the year prior to the study; and

- Chronic verbal aggression ranked as the 2nd most prevalent form of mistreatment following material abuse.

facts to consider

Emotional abuse of children can result in serious emotional and/or behavioral problems, including depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent or guardian, low cognitive ability and educational achievement, and poor social skills.

One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.

Children who experience rejection are more likely than accepted children to exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior, to be extremely dependent, to have negative opinions of themselves and their abilities, to be emotionally unstable or unresponsive, and to have a negative perception of the world around them.

Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling, insulting) or symbolic aggression (e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent treatment) toward children can have serious consequences. Children who experience these forms of abuse demonstrate higher rates of physical aggressiveness, delinquency and interpersonal problems than other children. Children whose parents are additionally physically abusive are even more likely to experience such difficulties.

Children who see or hear their mothers being abused are victims of emotional abuse.

Growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. Male children may learn to model violent behavior while female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships. This contributes to the intergenerational cycle of violence.

Many women in physically abusive relationships feel that the emotional abuse is more severely debilitating than the physical abuse in the relationship.

Repeated verbal abuse such as:

• blaming
• ridiculing
• insulting
• swearing
• yelling 
• humiliation

has long-term negative effects on a woman's self-esteem and contributes to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame.

Threatening to kill or physically harm a female partner, her children, other family members or pets establishes dominance and coercive power on the part of the abuser. The female partner feels extreme terror, vulnerability and powerlessness within the relationship. This type of emotional abuse can make an abused woman feel helpless and isolated.

Jealousy, possessiveness and interrogation about whereabouts and activities are controlling behaviors which can severely restrict a female partner's independence and freedom. Social and financial isolation may leave her dependent upon the abuser for social contact money and the necessities of life.

Emotional abuse can have serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including:

• severe depression
• anxiety
• persistent headaches
• back & limb problems
• stomach problems

Women who are psychologically abused but not physically abused are 5 times more likely to misuse alcohol than women who haven't experienced abuse.

Senior abuse is still a new issue and there is still little research in this field on emotional abuse.

We do know that senior emotional abuse and neglect can be personal or systemic and that it occurs in a variety of relationships and settings, including abuse by:

- a partner

- adult children or other relatives

- unrelated, formal or informal caregivers

- someone in a position of trust.

Seniors who are emotionally abused may experience feelings of:

• extreme inadequacy
• guilt
• low self-esteem
• symptoms of depression
• fear of failure
• powerlessness 
• hopelessness

These signs may be easily confused with loss of mental capability so that a senior may be labeled as "senile" or "incapable" when in fact she or he may be being emotionally abused.

Abusers may often outwardly display anger and resentment toward the senior in the company of others. They may also display a complete lack of respect or concern for the senior by repeatedly interrupting or publicly humiliating her or him. Not taking into account a senior's wishes concerning decisions about her or his own life is an outward sign of abuse.

detecting emotional abuse

Emotional abuse may be difficult to detect. However, personal awareness and understanding of the issue is key to recognizing it. The following indicators may assist in detecting emotional abuse.

possible indicators of emotional abuse

- depression

- withdrawal

- low self-esteem

- severe anxiety

- fearfulness

- failure to thrive in infancy

- aggression

- emotional instability

- sleep disturbances

- physical complaints with no medical basis

- inappropriate behavior for age or development

- overly passive/compliant

- suicide attempts or discussion

- extreme dependence

- under-achievement

- inability to trust

- stealing

- other forms of abuse present or suspected

- feelings of shame & guilt

- frequent crying

- self-blame/self-depreciation

- overly passive/compliant

- delay or refusal of medical treatment

- discomfort or nervousness around caregiver or relative

- substance abuse

- avoidance of eye contact.

legal intervention

Legal intervention in cases of child emotional abuse and neglect is governed by provincial and territorial child protection legislation.

All jurisdictions require that alleged or suspected child emotional abuse or neglect be reported to child protection authorities or the police. In some jurisdictions, failure to report child emotional abuse or neglect may result in a fine or imprisonment.

Emotionally abusive behavior such as:

• repeatedly following the other person or someone known to her or him
• repeatedly communicating, directly or indirectly, with the other person or someone known to her or him
• harassing the other person with telephone calls
• besetting or watching the other person's house or place of work
• & / or engaging in threatening conduct directed at the other person or a member of her or his family is criminal harassment.

These behaviors must cause a person to fear for her or his safety or the safety of someone she or he knows.

Other forms of emotional abuse such as:

• insulting
• isolating
• infantilizing
• humiliating
• ignoring

although serious, are not criminal behaviors and cannot be prosecuted under the Criminal Code of Canada.

what can you do?

If you are being abused, remember:

-You are not alone;

- It is not your fault;

- No one ever deserves to be abused; and

- Help is available.

if you suspect/know someone is being abused

- Listen;

- Believe;

- Support;

- Let the person know about available support services; and

- Report suspected or known child abuse or neglect to a child welfare agency or the police.