"Hey... Someone Stole My Magic! But I intend to Get it Back!" - By Neil Millar

It happened at 8.07pm. Holding my partner in my arms, I gazed into the yellow-orange flame as it sank behind the hills. But this article isn't about the magic of a sunset or the magical feeling of romance. It's about something even more special than both.

At 8.07pm I realized something. It was a profound realization: a profound thought that tripped into a profound observation.

What made the observation so profound is the fact that I was 37 years old & had never thought this way before. In truth I couldn't help a chuckle of irony - the irony that in all my life, I had never felt such a compelling desire, as the one that flowed through my veins.

The desire... the profound realization... the thought I had... came as a simple sentence. It flashed & vanished in an instant. But that flash, that puff of magic, that spark of inspiration sweeping through, changed my life forever.

The sentence was this: 'I want to be a part of all this.'

Short, sweet, simple words, made all the sweeter by the feeling that something magical had just taken place.

Emotional Growth - By Michelle Ron

We all want to be happy & the $1,000,000 question is: 'how'?

I would like to suggest we are all born naturally happy, i.e. – that happiness is our natural state of existence, happiness is our only reality. Any unhappiness we experience is not 'real', but a kind of 'movie' we delve into & experience as reality.

We could compare it to the sun in the sky. The sun is always there. The skies are always blue. Yet, sometimes we just can't see them, as the clouds hide them away from us. Even though we don't see the sun in the blue sky, they are always there, they are the sole true reality.

In order to be happy, then, we need to clear the things which are blocking our experience of the good reality.

The ways of doing this are many & varied. (Meditation, i.e., is a most efficient such way, aiming exactly at that target).

I'd like to suggest another such a way, which I named 'Emotional Growth'.

The first presumption of Emotional Growth states that in the most natural way all human beings are good, strong & happy.

The times in which we experience our selves, our lives or the people around us as if it wasn't so, are the times when emotional 'clouds' dim our sight.

A few such 'emotional clouds' are, i.e., fear, loneliness, shame or anger. Another name for such 'clouds' is emotional distress, or simply – 'distress'.

Most of the emotional distress we experience in our daily life began to accumulate in our early childhood. When we felt we were too weak to cope we started accumulating fear.

Criticism made us believe we weren't good enough & thus we started accumulating shame.

Sometimes we needed that someone would listen to us or would be with us & when such a person didn't exist we started accumulating loneliness.

In contrast to what we might have expected, although the situations which gave birth to such distress might well are gone & forgotten, the distress that was born there & then didn't disappear.

Although today we might be strong enough to cope with life we might still experience ourselves as the little, weak children that we were. Although today there is nobody there to criticize us, we might still be afraid of 'what people might say' & stop ourselves from being fully expressed.

The same goes for loneliness. We might be well courted, well loved & most seriously approached, yet in our heart we might still believe that nobody 'really' loves us, 'really' sees us, or 'really' wants us.

Those different types of emotional distress distort the way in which we see reality & experience our daily life. When shame dims our sight we think that we're less wonderful than we actually are.

When anger does it we think that other people are less wonderful than they really are.

When loneliness blocks our sight we won't be able to see the love that is there for us to be given & received.

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THERE IS A WAY OUT!!!

One of the ways I'd like to offer, a way that I'm practicing for a few years now, is a way that in many kinds of self-growth methods proved to be extremely efficient & beneficial - the group work.

Such an emotional-growth group would consist of a few people – big enough to form a receptive, supporting audience, yet small enough to keep it intimate.

The group would start in a cycle of 'new & good' things that happened to us today, tomorrow, or since our last meeting. Each participant would tell the rest of us one such 'new & good' thing – to remind ourselves that we are gathered not in order to moan, but in order to enable ourselves to experience a more happy life.

We would then proceed to 'give time'. The time left would be divided to the number of participants, so that each of us in his/her turn would have the whole stage for him/herself. The group leader might choose to take an active part in the session, or just let the participant unload her/his emotional burden.

One could also choose to share happy, good news with the group & receive acknowledgements. I've been to sessions when the participant chose to put up a dance show she made up. In other cases we had a dialogue with people who gave the participant a 'hard time'. The options are almost infinite.

The group would finish by a 'closing circle', in which each participant would be able to state something s/he takes from the meeting, something that touched his/her heart, etc.

Such group meetings enable us to bring up the distress we're carrying since childhood in a new, safe & supportive atmosphere & environment. In such a group we could practice new ways of behavior & new ways of experiencing ourselves & others in a more beneficent way, until these ways become natural to us & we return to be the loving, happy & secure person we were when we were born.

We don't live under NORMAL CONDITIONS - By Rhonda Collins

If we lived in a world without wars, poverty, racism & sexism, dramatic disparities in material conditions, political deception & so on, would there be people who suffer from depression & other “mental disorders.”

This is the question that the title of the documentary film we don't live under NORMAL CONDITIONS poses.

A number of years ago, suffering from depression myself & angry that all the books & articles at that time trumpeted biological causes, I decided to make a film that looked at the broader social issues that I knew caused me a great deal of despair.

So I brought together 6 people from different walks of life, sequestered them away for 3 days & asked them to talk about society & despair.

Talking about it, in a group with others who have shared the experience, is healing. Talking about some of the causes other than brain chemistry can be empowering.

Empowering, because we can change our relationship to things outside of ourselves. We can change our attitudes. We can come to accept things that we can't control. And work on those things we can.

The group that came together for this film offers a particular brand of wisdom that derives from their own personal experiences with depression. I deliberately chose not to include the traditional experts in the film.

In my estimation, the “patients” themselves are the experts in their own experience. They talk eloquently about depression, suicide, racism, the “house of power” that is the mental health system.

Sonja talks about her fear of institutions that have the power to discriminate against her as a lesbian woman & a lesbian mother. This fear prevents her from seeking help from traditional sources.

Alex has a different take. “I'm so far removed from that house of power,” she says, “I don't really worry about being perceived as abnormal, as in they might lock me up against my will or they might take something away from me…as a Black woman, I'm not even supposed to be here.

It's clear so many places that I'm not even supposed to make it. So you're going to think I'm crazy? That's like the least of my worries. I'm not even seen.”

Kris would like to see a wellness model, a framework that doesn't pathologize the outer edges on the spectrum of normal human behavior, “as opposed to what the DSM IV is always referring to, the sickness the dysfunction, the pathology.

To focus on our resilience & the healing powers that we have is very empowering. But for me to tell you how sick you are & put a lot of labels on you is not going to motivate you to feel better about yourself.”

Talking about predetermination or predisposition, she goes on, “Psychiatry will say that there's a predisposition to X, Y & Z. And it's very different to say someone has a predisposition to sleep disorders as opposed to saying I do my best thinking or I'm most creative in the middle of the night.

That's two completely different ways of describing the same experience.”

Winnie, not denying the dangers of labeling someone as predisposed, counters with the realities of major depression. “I think it goes back to what's normal & what's not normal. When does somebody become so depressed, they can't make it 10 feet across the room to go to the bathroom because they have no energy.

They can't get up & take a shower because they have no will. They don't want to live at all. And I think at that point it doesn't really matter whether you call the person normal or abnormal, it's can you keep them alive?”

There's some debate amongst the participants in the film about the pros & cons of therapy. Several would like to become therapists (& indeed have, subsequent to the film's completion).

Sonja's experience suggests that her therapist discounted the broader world & believed that Sonja's anger about capitalism & imperialism stemmed from their symbolic relationship to her mother & father.

Another group member suggests that this was just “bad therapy.” In any case it alienated Sonja sufficiently that she quit.

Sandra would like to empower individuals while acknowledging the social context in which they develop. “I do believe in the power of empowering people.

But I want to put into perspective why someone who comes from Latin America to this country - not from Europe, but from Latin America & is having a hard time learning English, why their self-esteem is trashed. As opposed to if somebody comes from France or Germany & they sound cute.”

The making of this film for me was healing. I found a means thru the group's experience to share my own internal experience & that's very powerful. It's why good therapy can be so valuable. And why the stigma of depression in our society is so harmful. Cheer up, lighten up, pull yourself out of it.

These types of statements always make it worse. Denying my own true experience is always harmful. I'm a sensitive person. I care about the world. And as Sandra says at the end of the film, “If you look around, with your eyes open & you don't feel the pain, I think there's something wrong, with you.”

Rhonda Collins is an independent documentary filmmaker based in Berkeley, California. Information about this & other films is available at www.aperiofilms.com

A Guide to Personal Resilience - By Dr. Deborah C. Moore, LMFT

A GUIDE TO PERSONAL RESILIENCE

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”
-Chinese Proverb

Applying resilience-building strategies in our daily life requires commitment and dedication. Resilience is not something we are born with; it is a set of learned behaviors, and takes time to adopt.

Resilience requires time, effort, and personal improvement through small steps. Listed below are ten things you can do to promote resiliency in your life:

1. Make connections. Find a positive group or person as a source of connection.

2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. Although some crises may appear as if they cannot be overcome, there are other ways of handling them.

3. Accept that change is part of living. Realize that some things change forever; change the things you can.

4. Take decisive actions. Do something!

5. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. Troubles can make you stronger.

6. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Even if you are not convinced, think positive and the behavior will soon follow.

7. Keep things in perspective. Not everything is as big a deal as you make it.

8. Maintain a hopeful outlook. Visualize what you want and seek to accomplish it.

9. Take care of yourself. Exercise your mind, body, and spirit.

10. If all else fails, seek professional assistance. “The greatest form of control is knowing when to let go” –Evelyne E. Moore

Prepared by Deborah C. Moore. Ph.D., LMFT

Dr. Deborah C. Moore, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and owner of Personal Enrichment Counseling, Inc. She has over 15 years of experience in dealing with stress management and relationship difficulties. Deborah has devoted a considerable amount of time in researching the areas of stress management, occupational stress, and relationship management.

If you have a specific question concerning stress management or relationship difficulties, Deborah will provide you with advice. Visit www.counseling4wellness.com and “click” on the “Ask Dr. Debi” icon.